Cruise Tomorroww!!

So hi.
Batteries for camera charging? Check
Suit? Check...
yes. i'm ready. lol now if only my tummy would feel better :(

Short term memory loss

I PROMISE when I logged on I had something super important to say. I thought of it at work and kept thinking about it just so I would remember it. Alas, as soon as I log on, I forget. but in good news. today consisted of NEW MOON, email from Gus Gus ,and facebook chatting with...( drum roll pleasssseeee) BIG BROTHER BRAD!!! fresh off the mission :) I love my brother !! and just between you and me , my big brother loves me too. now i know all you with big brothers who hate you are pretty jealous. but me and my brother ? we're tight like that.

the day smelled of s'mores.

Today didnt smell of s'mores , tuesday did. I just was too tired to write that then. I was sitting at work , opened the window in drive thru , just enjoying the cool rainy air when ...the breeze kicked in. And you know what ?!? it smelled like s'mores. which made me start craving one that second. I also have a view of the food depot from where i work. It's kinda a pathetic grocery store, but the way it looked at 10 am in the dark drizzle weather , made me think of the people inside grocery shopping. of course that made me want to be inside the store myself pushing a shopping cart buying groceries for the week. or whatever. Random fact: I'm a list person, in fact , as i'm writing this i'm going down the list of things at work , that i wanted to talk about on here. Like I'll be at work ,or anywhere really , and i'll think of something I just have to blog about , or do , and have found that unless i make a list. i'll forget it. so i'm covering my list. So we have not put hunter to sleep yet ,and mommy decided it wouldnt happen this week. she loves that puppy and frankly i'm glad he doesnt have to die yet. ok now to something a little more pathetic and i'm rather ashamed that i'm about to admit this on my blog, but guess what? i just walked through my room , in the dark , without tripping on something. that's a first since oh... october 11th? sad huh. that my room is so messy i trip on the way to my bed. silly me. ok so next week i'm going on a cruise. it will be my first , and most likely my last. my mom got seasickness pills, just for me because she thinks my sisters will be ok , but since i'm the one who gets car sick , i'll be the one to get boat sick. yay for a mother who knows me all too well. then 2 weeks after the cruise i'm leaving for utah. yeah , sooner than expected, but i was super stressed until today when somehow things started falling in place. i'm going to have enough money from my grandfather coming ,for 2 months of rent. which makes me happy. plus i'll have 2 paychecks coming too. so , that's good. i'm feeling a little less stressed. anyways, i'll do what i can to talk tomorrow , but might not be able to. so play it by eye... hehe . peace out boyscout.

Dear Blog

Dearest Blog,
I promise I will write in you in length tomorrow. truth is i'm too tired to be doing anything. I should be sleeping. but i'm not. the end. I'm terribly sad I missed the Meteor shower I so desperately wanted to see. I love looking at the sky at night. "Stargazing" is probably my favorite thing to do. Guess what. I have great and exciting news. that i will share with you tomorrow. anyways. i'm going to bed, so i can be pretty tomorrow lol. K bye

Cruiseee!!

I'm so exhausted. like literally im tired. i'm tired of trying to cram tons of medical information in my brain. i'm tired of putting up with stupid ppl at work. even though i know i only have 5 more weeks of that. i'm tired of being tired lol. but i love the fact that i'm getting money. and i'm thinking it's hilarious that i keep having a dream that i beat the crap outta my ex (ryan) makes me giggle every night. I smell from work. one day i shall take a picture of how hot i dont look after work. mah i'm so sleepyyyy. can't sleep. and i hafta open in the morning. i'll be leaving soon. k bye.

my week

My week has been exciting and rough all at the same time. i'm trying to save up money , but so much happens, like i'll get sick or in today's case hurt. bad. like today i dunno what ha happened , but seriously my back is gonnnneeee. i'm completely useless. and in pain. i'm tired all the time, i'm stressed ,because i'm trying to come up with tons of money so i can move out to utah after christmas. I have a date already lined up out there but still. what if that falls through ? I'll be in Provo utah with only ONE friend , and no job. i'm gonna start looking harder for jobs. true life. and when i get out there i'll look around at malls n shopping places and see if i can't find a job there. if all else fails i'll make the hour long bus trip to salt lake EVERY DAY for a job. until i get a car. I wish i could take my automobile with me. gosh. life sucks. but is amazing all at the same time. I'm very curious to see what's going on with Gustavo. I dunno if i'll ever get that another chance i want so badly with him , but i do still love him and wanna know how he's doing. since as far as mystery situation goes, i'm bleh. more on that one later. well i've got to get to bed. Love and Peace.

Stop.

I'm just gonna stop planning my life for a little while and just enjoy it instead.Because i deff will not be getting married before this time next year. so i have AT LEAST a year to enjoy myself. Here's to moving to Provo in January and a fresh start

herm...

So lately i've been a little Debbie Downer. Over my usual. All my friends are either preggo or married. ( ok maybe not ALL of them , but a good amount) Then I sit back and look at my life and go what did I do wrong. Why are my friends who are younger than me pregnant and/or married. Is there something wrong with me. When telling others of this worry of mine I get 2 typical responses. either " you're too young to be married" or " nothing is wrong with you. The Lord's just making you wait longer so you'll have a more perfect husband. " oh wait and there was that one time my daddy did tell me... " The Lord is just prepping your husband to be able to handle you." like i'm something that's gonna be hard/difficult to handle. maybe. but is it soo wrong for me to want that. so wrong for me at 21 to feel like that it's time for me to AT LEAST be engaged. I think NOT. oh welllll.

Get Quotes - Find more at TVLoop

Mkay...

Scroll down to the post with all the pictures... cows and me and boy. that one. I miss that guy. I miss the beginning days like dates like that when everything was exciting. Now we're just friends. I can live with that , but I look back at it ( it was last month for crying out loud) like i look back at my childhood. I LOVED MY CHILDHOOD. everything was good. I yearn to go back to the day when the biggest worry i had was what i was going to eat for dinner , and who was gonna come and play with me. I'm the kinda girl who loves comfort and routine, but i LIVE for new and exciting. I like it when new and exciting becomes the comfort and routine. but i have to replace that new and exciting with something else. right then. Right now my New and exciting just turned into comfort and routine... and New and exciting has yet to be found. and i'm getting a little anxious. like i'm waiting for christmas in a way... Anyways. i'm just missing the last month of my life. no worries , Ryan is one of the bestest friends a girl could ask for. but that's it. Something new and exciting will come along... I just have to be patient and wait for it to jump into my arms. I think tomorrow after work. when i'm hanging with Ryan, I will go on a mini photo shoot. In this outfit. Because i like it. and i need new pictures. then when i babysit my Boyzz... I will get all of those kiddos in on it too. I need some photoshoot time. I wonder if their mamma will let me take them to play somewhere. I think she will. i've babysat them for like ...7 almost 8 years? crazy. i feel old. their youngest is 6 now?? i've babysat them since their 7 yr old was a baby. wowwww. I love babysitting like that. I remember changing a girl in our ward's diapers... she's 12 now. woww. yeah so anyways... i'm gonna go nowww.

Hello again

I feel as though i havent posted in forever-which i havent.
I've had so much going on. New relationship, another breakup. -that's some time consuming stuff in itself. but to bigger and more important things. school is drawing to a close. it's crazy to think that in a few months i'll have my degree. Crazy business that scares every single fiber of my being. but in an exciting, better paying, new adventure kinda way. I'm also working almost full time right now , and trying to save money to move out. Which i have to do by may...my parents actually kicked me out-but in a nice way. whatever. i'm thinking Utah is the place i'll go. which scares me even more. because while i know i can get a job out there and rent will be cheaper. I'm going to be on my own. no coming home and just chilling with the family , no daddy to be there when something goes wrong with my car or anything else for that matter. i'll be completely alone. that is another thing that scares me. I've realized i've reached that scarey stage of my life where i have to .... leave the nest. and no one will be there to help me but ... me. whatever. i should probably get in a shower soon. my hair is crazy nasty... well that's the way it feels anyways. I'll talk later. promise :)

Story...

So the guy Ryan that I was dating , turned into my boyfriend, stuff happened and now we're just dating again. Which is good I suppose because maybe we were moving a little fast. after a looonnnnnggg talk last night we decided that we did want to make "us" work , so we're taking things slow , he's gonna get out the rest of his "party days" and we're cutting the days we see each other in half lol. by that I mean we're going from seeing each other EVERY day to EVERY OTHER day... yep. anyways , we still love each other and that is good.
Things I do NOT love:
- Having to open on monday morning. 3:30 comes wayy to early and I have no clue how to put the icecream machine together,
- When I decide that I want to take a nap and my Visiting Teacher decides she wants to come over in half an hour.
- Having to do laundry because i Do have to open on monday. that sucks.

Today in Nursery I actually had to pull 2 kids off of one another because they were in a fist fight. literally. over a beanie baby cat. WOW. the girl was winning too. so that was not funny . at all. yeah. i'm tired. bye.

So basically

ME and Ryan went to a Rodeo last night. It was right up our alley. I LOVE IT. anywho i took some pictures and they are pretty awesome. I'll just put up some of them though. anyways. we also visited his Grandma and she is the most awesome lady ever. almost as cool as my grandparents. anywho. enjoyyyy.

This week

This week has been simply amazing. I'm dating again , which is pretty cool. That guy's name is Ryan , we have had several discussions and decided for now that we are dating... which is cool. we're not together , but we're not not together. I've had the time of my life with him. The other day he surprised me after work , took me out to lunch (at 2!!!) at chuck E. Cheese... we had a friggin awesome time!!!! like not even kidding!!! then we just came home and chilled with the family , went to lowes to get stuff for his work... ( a male adaptor hehehe) then we went to CFA for dinner!!! then came home and watched football. which I'd rather not do again...well I would because it's him , but holding his hand sure does hurt ... especially when he gets really excited.He has a good grip. ouch. anyways. so on Saturday after work at 12 noon me and my friend Jess went whitewater rafting. it was my first time and i was scared but oh-so-excited at the same time. i ended up having the time of my life. we pigged out on apples at an apple orchard, watched my sisters keeper at a drive in movie...and played/colored till 1 am . I loved it!!! I'm super excited, and super happy right now. happier than i've been in the LONGEST time. No stress, not guilt trips, and a guy who couldnt be happier to just be sitting around listening to me sing or just chill. I've never been complimented so much in my life. heck , he told me i had pretty eyelashes!! i had NEVER heard that one before. he also noticed how i always have the same laugh , but it's always different. he notices when i'm smiling because i have to in order to keep from screaming , and when i'm genuinely happy. and when i'm not happy he wants to know why and how he can fix it. It's the best. no pressure. Just fun all the time. sorry i'm going on about this new guy but ... hey. I love it. anyways , gotta go read the postsecret blog now!!

I want this really bad.

I have been hanging out with this guy for the last week or two. Honestly I really like him. I would totally not mind if we ended up dating or whatever. I want this really bad actually. But I know I can't have that. Right now. and for once i'm perfectly ok with that. I love having him as a friend. Right now a friend is all either one of us needs. and isnt it cool? I know the Lord has had a hand in alot of things of my life lately and i feel like this is one of them , so although i know i cant have what i want. I know it's for the best and i'm excited to just enjoy this new found friendship of mine. We had the best weekend ever. clubbing last night, then he came over and chilled with the family today. It was totally chill. i needed this weekend of fun and relaxation with a friend. and I'm glad he was more than willing to give that to me. Friends are completely awesome. yepp. Best thing ? My family loves him lol.

For Gus Gus

This song has been in my mind non-stop , mostly because i can relate. it's called Already Gone , by Kelly Clarkson.This one's for you Gustavo.


Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on,
So I'm already gone

I've had a good week.

So , this week was good.

Monday:FHE at the Weislers house. A-MAZING. swimming and a wonderful good lesson.oh and i talked to gus gus... very informative.
Tuesday: I worked. that was normal.
Wednesday: HAPPY ONE YEAR ON MISSION ANNIVERSARY GUS!! plus I had a party at my house...it was cool.
Thursday: Today i stayed home ,did laundry , played sims..that was funn.
Friday: i will be working till 2 again , but it's PAYDAY , so it will be worth it. until i go and buy that brake light :(
Saturday:HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRETT!!! I work till noon , then at 9:30pm me and some friends are going clubbing!!! awesome? I THINK SO
Sunday: Church , then Church!! wooo hooo!!!

so yeah. is anybody else really jealous of my week???

I need my books

So i'm in college. With a goal to graduate soon. Just took mid-terms , and my next set of books has yet to show up. BOOO. anyways , in other news. Gus , you'll really like this one. I twisted my Left knee. Talk about my idea of killer pain. I've been walking on it too without realizing what was wrong. so when i found out i was like dummy. Then I went to walmart and bought a knee brace. Life is so much better now. I slept with an icepack on it last night. I'm still exhausted.... So i'm pretty much going to take a nap in 2.5 seconds. Just thought i'd share that bit of joy. yeah. K love ya'll lotttssss . bye

Update

So , Me and Gustavo did break up. overall i think i cried for maybe 2 days and surprisingly i'm over it. it was hard those 2 days , but mostly i was crying for him. In my mind he didnt deserve what was happening. I also cried for me. I had planned out my life with him and finally decided over a months time, that that's not what i wanted anymore. I think me and Gustavo will always be really good friends , but as far as our future together i'm not sure. I dont think all that we had planned will happen , but maybe it will. Right now it's hard to tell. and i think i'm ok with that. This break up didnt affect me as bad as all the other ones did. I was sad with one , and bitter with 2 , but this one... i'm just ...whatever. Is that wrong of me? I feel i should be more upset because we dated for nearly 2 years, but i'm not upset at all.I dunno. anyways. my day is almost over...i slept in till 11am it's almost noon now, and i need to be in bed by 9 i think. so yeah...tragic. I've got to go do my laundry now....

it's been a tough week. Me and Gustavo are in a HUGE arguement. at least on my part it's huge. and i'm not sure we're gonna make it through this one. so I have a potential break up on the line. I found out last night that my grandpa has lung cancer. My dad says as far as we know it's small. but who knows really. Work sucks. and if i could just quit and get another job trust me i would. but i cant. the last two weeks have been horrible. I doubt anybody even reads this blog. but at least it's somewhere to vent and that's what i made it for anyways.

one of my favs: fly to your heart

Watch all the flowers
Dance with the wind
Listen to snowflakes
Whisper your name

Feel all the wonder
Lifting your dreams
You can fly

Fly to who you are
Climb upon your star
You believe you'll find your wings
Fly to your heart

Touch every rainbow
Painting the sky
Look at the magic
Glide through your life

A sprinkle of pixie dust
Circles the night
You can fly

Fly to who you are
Climb upon your star
You believe you'll find your wings
Fly

Everywhere you go
Your soul will find a home
You'll be free
To spread your wings
Fly
You can fly
To your heart

Rise to the heights of all you can be
soar on the hope of marvelous things

Fly to who you are
Climb upon your star
You believe you'll find your wings
Fly

Everywhere you go
Your soul will find a home
You'll be free
To spread your wings
Fly
You can fly
To your heart

Sunday must've been good for everyone.

So My Sunday was interesting. I think you all might need some back up info on the day.My birthday is August 2nd , and ironically this year that fell on a fast sunday.. which for all my non mormon friends means we can't eat for 2-3 meals. So my birthday was not looking good ,and was preceeded by what might possibly have been the worst week ever. plus i was turning 21 . in my mind this all equaled out to a horrible birthday. well sunday starts out. the parents let me sleep in= awesome. so we go to church just in time for nursery , primary , and everything else. upon arriving to church i find out that the other nursery leader just skipped out without telling anyone so of course i'm freaking out because i'll have to watch 10 kids by myself with no toys because this same person has the ONLY set of keys to the Toy cabinents. DUMMMMBBB. i'm horrified. luckily we managed to find enough toys to keep the kids satisfied. this involved tons of book reading. that's fine. and i'm blessed enough that the parents and even missionaries dropped by every now and then to make sure i was ok. At one point i look over at adorable Christian who is grabbing himself like he has to pee. i ask him if he needs to go potty. he says no ...i'm cool. i turn around and look at Sweet little Ashlynn who is sitting on the other side of me and see this puddle of water... like something was spilling. she didnt have a cup...yeah I had asked the WRONG kid if they had to go to the bathroom. Ashlynn had just had a little accident. she looked as if she was going to cry , but me and the other mom quickly told her it wasnt her fault before she did. I took her to her father ,and we started to clean up the mess. good. snack time ,singing time, the rest of church goes by smoothly. we come home and eat the best cake ever...pics soon to follow. i finally decide that it's my birthday i'll regret it ,but i'm gonna take a nap. before my nap i read my book that Gus wrote me. Right before i went to bed i prayed that the lord would somehow give me gustavo but be able to get the work he needed done , done. P.s. i wished for gustavo when i blew out my candles. anyways. i wake up from the nap. we have dinner. parents leave for a viewing. I start cleaning my room. i happen to look down at my phone and see a missed call. it was from gustavo. 5 seconds later gustavo calls again. I'm a firm believer that the lord inspired gustavo to call me. Gustavo told me to be happy on my birthday.. maybe he got the vibe i was crying.. anyways after a phone call i hung up finished the last bit of my room and put in the tape gustavo made me for my bday and listend to Gustavo as i fell asleep. My birthday was actually really good. ok the end.

August 2nd 1988

was a very momentous day. it's the day i was born. so yes my birthday is today!!! wahhh hoooo!! I'm 21 yep. wanna know what i did last night in honor of my birthday? I organized my closet. and got rid of SOME things... i'm going to finish tomorrow after church. while i'm doing my laundry... yepppers. that's about all i got. k bye.

I'm probably gonna cry in 2 seconds flat.

That should sum up how i'm feeling right now. I turn 21 in 3 days and i've never been more depressed. this is an honest statement.

Not feeling it.

I have to be at work at 5am tomorrow morning. I'm not feeling it either.I have 3 theorys to why.1) It's that time of the month and i'm not feeling much of anything right now. 2) I havent talked to Gustavo in forever so i'm pretty depressed right now about all that involves getting out of my bed. or 3) I am just way excited about the vacation I have coming up wednesday morning. I personally think it's a mixture of numbers 1 and 2. the combination ending up as." It's that time of the much and i'm pretty depressed about anything that involves getting out of bed." do you agree? i think so.

I wish...

Today...well yesterday I guess it is. technically. anyways , It was Gustavo and my... me and Gustavo's ? i dunno. It was our 22 month anniversary. I wish he was here to celebrate that with me. But he's not. and hasnt been for the last 11 months!!! crazy huh? My Gustavo has been out serving the Lord for the last 11 months. That's almost a year ppl!! I'm so proud of him for dropping everything and doing that. I'm sure I don't tell him that enough, but I am. He is a very busy boy being district leader and all but he's made time to make me a Birthday present for me. Which I should be getting Friday ( crosses fingers) Although i now know..(boo) that there will be no engagement ring attached to this present.(a girl can dream). I'm excited anyways. I'm just super ready for it to be christmas already. that would mean that my LOVE is almost home. in 8 months. anyways. it's like 1am here. but I just wanted to wish Gustavo a very pleasnt anniversary. LOVE YOU!!

P.s. Tonight I had a movie night all by myself. It was wonderful. I watched Must Love Dogs, December Boys, and Work and the Glory. what a great night to myself. yeah I half dedicated that to Gustavo. The other half I enjoyed for myself.

Pioneer Day

Today was our wards pioneer day party. it was a blast. I spent the whole 3 hours playing with the Cutest 6month old twins EVER!!!! These adorable twin girls happen to be Christian , my fav nursery boy's little sisters!!! They are supa cute. I'm in love with them. even more so now that i can tell them apart. which shocked all the adults in the room. because they cant really tell them apart. anywho that was really fun. the best part of my day. awesome. Tomorrow is me and Gustavo's 22 month anniversary. too bad. 3 reasons. He's gone.
He didnt even wish me happy anniversary. well he wished me an early one. but it's not the same. Not really. and.... uhm
He hasnt gotten me a card the last 3 months. what up with that???? lame. oh well. Guess i cant complain. I havent mailed him in like 3 weeks? gahh. I'm still kinda upset. makes me saddd. oh well. he's busy , i'm busy . life sucks. the end

I strongly disagree.

The love quote at the bottom of my blog just read: " Journeys end at lovers meeting , every wise mans son doth know that." Or something along the lines of that.On this I must disagree. I am a firm believer that the journey doesnt end once you meet your "lover". I do believe that one Journey ends, but only for a new one to begin. A most exciting journey at that. anyways. i've been sick the last few days. and it sucks. blaaaahhhhh. anyways i have a really bad headache so i'm gonna bounce.

what a bittersweet day :s

So today was church.
I cried a little on the inside. won't lie. All my little nursery babies are growing up. too fast if you ask me! Besides the fact that our nursery has DOUBLED in size in the last 6 months , when our original class size for the year was 5. Thank goodness for people moving in. We now have 10 kids , but the ratio of girls to boys is still the same. 8:2 when nursery started the ratio was 4:1. these boys will have good pickings when they're 16 ! The many ways of my kids growing up are crazy. 3 of them are already way too mature for nursery. all 3 can spell their names and hold a REAL conversation with you. Me and the other nursery leader just giggle. those 3 will be going to sunbeams next year. We'll have the rest for another year or 2. The 2 year olds are finally learning to talk and are able to understand when you tell them things. Today clean up went so well. We've organized all the toys and we'll lay out the buckets and point to a bucket and say put the cars away in this bucket. They'll do it! then we'll tell them what cabinent to put the bucket in and they'll pick up the bucket and take put it in that cabinent.!! I'm so proud of them. The biggest improvement though is they Finally sing in nursery singing time!! the youngest ones at 18 and 23 months catch on really quickly and will at least go pick up the objects for song even though they dont sing yet. I'm so happy for them , I love watching them learn things and see things just click and make sense to them, but i'm going to miss them. My little angels. :)

Today I...

Worked a 9 hour shift on 1 hour of sleep.
Bought 5 movies for 15 dollars. at biglots.
Took a 4 hour nap.
Improved my brain age.

Decided that I love life. Anyway , i have to open again in the morning , but I just wanted to say this. Music affects me in a beautiful way. I seriously would probably die if i didnt have music in my life in some form. Music speaks to me , and i feel as though i can better express myself through it. I've discovered a new love for the black eyed peas.awesome. I can't wait till my birthday in 3 weeks . I'll be 21 , I'm getting sheet music , and a surprise gift from gus. <3

Sleepless in Seattle... or Fayco.

I should be sleeping. But I can't . I'm really not tired, but I should be. Tomorrow i'm doing some crazy fun shopping with the mommy at walmart. Which is going to sound bad , but it's my favorite store. what are we buying? get this. Clothing Items...YES! oh and comforters for my bed and Colby sisters bed!!! then mommy recommened that I start buying stuff and putting it in my hopechest for when i'm married and i'm all ... that's a really good idea mommy. so yeah. I'm excited for my shopping day tomorrow.

I'm going on a plane ride!!

Tomorrow afternoon me and my sister Colby are going on an adventure! We are going on a plane ride to Texas all by our lonesomes!!! We are going to have a crazy awesome time while we are there too!!! It should be really exciting. So all I have to say is keep our safety in your prayers!!!
Peace out !!!

Do you know what?

This is what I miss the most from my sisters being at EFY last week.

I miss having the bathroom to myself.Sharing a small bathroom with 3 girls = REALLY bad idea.

I miss having my parents to myself. I wont lie. It was nice. VERY NICE.

Happy 4th!

Happy 4th of July!!!
I worked this morning for a few hours , then came home and just chilled . I started out with a nap. Continued with some TV. went on a best buy/target trip with daddy. came home and watched loves unending promise, loves unfolding dream , love takes wing , and now i'm watching loves long journey. My family didnt go to the parade or the fireworks , but that is fine by me. I'd rather spend today just hanging out. Today I spent mostly thinking about Gustavo. Good memories. I love him so much. So today is for him :) I love you Gus!! and happy 4th of July. It's hard to think that this time last year i was saying goodbye to you for the last time :( Love you bunches!!

Friday <3

I never thought I would say this , but I love Fridays. Today was a good day. I got a letter from Gus. ( more about that hottie boy in a min) then I... got 2 checks today. One from work and one from the gov't. gotta love income tax returns.:) I got to see my best friend Joy Marie DeLay who I havent seen in 3 years. I miss that girl. It was a good day :D. even opening went smoothly. Not sure how tomorrow will go, but we'll see.

Back to Gustavo. Yesterday Gustavo and I had a little chit chat and pretty much spent the whole entire talk reveling in our love. we've almost dated for 2 years now. and that's a long time for us. Considering that before we met the longest relationships we had been in amounted to a total of like 6 months. we are VERY proud of us. lol. We both noted how we are best friends, but we also love each other with a crazy passion. We noticed how neither one of us thought that we'd ever find somebody we'd love as much as we love each other. does anybody besides me get what i'm saying? We both love how open our relationship is. We tell each other pretty much everything. and i think that's great. did i mention that most of our relationship has been long distance. bet i didnt!!

Anyways , i could go on forever , but i'll give you guys a break , because really, who wants to listen to me gush about Gustavo all day?

So...

Long time no talk. I know i'm a total bum. lets see what have i done this week ? Monday I worked 7-3 then came home and went on a walk with mamma , then went for a quick shop, then me and mamma watched a bit of Twilight. Tuesday I worked 6-3 , then went for a long shop , ended up getting the CUTEST little dorothy dress.( that's what mamma calls it, because it's blue plaid) a white shirt to make it "modest" , and a pair of cute ducky shorts for pjs. they are made out of fuzzy goodness:) then I went to see transformers with my highschool buddy Zach. me and him go WAAAAAYYYY back. ( Gus... nothing happend don't freak. I know you just did.) lets see then i came home and slept. Today I didnt work because it was my day off. so what i did was i took a shower , did laundry ,went to lunch with mamma , came home and played sims for 3 hours, then i took a nap. watched the rest of twilight with mamma AND daddy, had to explain what was going on to dad the entire time. then we got ice cream , and went on a walk with mamma. checked facebook, and now i'm on here.Tomorrow i work from 10-4 and i'll be "talking" to Gus later. :) should be a good day. Friday and Saturday I open at work , then on Sunday I think i'm going to Texas. I think.so yes. life should be super fabulous. And now my mother is bugging me to go fold my laundry so i should probably jump right on that. :( gahh lee. it's already 9:53. where has the day gone!!!! summer goes way too fast.

what i really want

I really just want to make a difference in the world. I want to know that I affected someone for the good in one way or another. I want more out of my life than I know will come of it. But that's what i really want.

I love...

Days off.
Hot showers
Naps
Family
Shopping...
but most of all...

I LOVE GUSTAVO!!!!!


yeah that's pretty much all i had to say:)

I'm so lazy lol.

Seriously I can be pretty lazy today. For instance. It was a good 95 degrees in Georgia...( If you don't care to know personal things about me stop reading now) So I REALLY didnt feel like wearing a bra. I had spent 3 hours sweating in it after work and my other Bra is dirty . So i decided to put on a hoodie, a nice , thick , hoodie, just so i wouldnt have to wear a bra. I'm really hot,yes, but at least the ladies get a break. Guys don't judge. you dont even know. yeah. anyways plus today I had to give myself the pep-talk of the century just to get up and go to work. that happens alot lately. and it's only tuesday. Goodness can't it be like Saturday already? In other news I took a nap today. Woke up to my cellphone ringing.I wasnt quite awake , so I thought it was work calling me in on my day off. until I realized what day it was. I just finished watching MOST of the secret life of the american teenager. I'll tell you what. I want a baby now. Not right now...well I do , but not really. because that would be VERY bad. Considering I want it to be Gustavo's baby. and Gustavo is on his mission. therefore if i had a baby now it would NOT be his . so that would be NO BUENO. but yes. I can't wait for us to get married and have a little Natalia Grace. ( That's what we've decided on. well we agreed on Natalia. I just think she needs a middle name,and Grace sounds good.)anywho. My project of the week is a bracelet to match my new Tankini. so that's cool. anyways, it's midnight and i should probably go to bed. SEE YA

I'd rather not...

I'd rather not go to work tomorrow.Seriously though. Here is another cutie phrase from my nursury kids. Claire said this and it cracked me up. "Here , you can have this one, I don't want it. It'stupid"She was saying this about the SLC temple picture we have in music time for the I love to see the temple song. lol she's funny. I'm just not really in a Wonderful mood right now. My mom and sisters are going to the beach tomorrow and since I dont get to go ( I wasnt even invited) Brett's boyfriend Robby gets to go. So i'm mad not only because I dont get to go , but because he gets to go. Plus the fact that Gustavo is gone is making me lonely-mad. which the definition for lonely-mad is that you're mad because you are lonely. What's my dad doing to make me feel better? Taking me to Taco Bell for 89 cent tacos. yep. Because that's how my dad rolls. I like his thinking. Although i'd rather eat a steak or something. The good part about this whole beach trip is that my mom told me she'd take me to CALIFORNIA one weekend , because that's where I want to go. so sometime soon I will be shopping around Hollywood, and just chillin. AWESOME. maybe. I also got a week-long trip to Utah out of it. I just need to find a ride. I wish I had friends or Family in a state i've never been to. that would be really awesome.oh well. I'm going to go look up things to do in or around LA. so yeah. Laters

oh i almost forgot.

I'm hoping Me and Gustavo's daughter looks like this at 19. I also wanted to let ya'll know I'm in love with this song. :I run to you , by Lady Antebellum.

I run from hate
I run from prejudice
I run from pessimists
But I run too late
I run my life
Or is it running me?
Run from my past
I run too fast
Or too slow it seems
[Bridge]
When lies become the truth
That's when I run to you
[Chorus]
This world keeps spinning faster
To a new disaster, so I run to you
I run to you, Baby
When it all starts coming undone
Baby, you're the only one I run to
I run to you
We run on fumes
Your life and mine
Like the sands of time
Slippin' right on through
[Bridge]
Our love's the only truth
That's why I run to you
[Chorus]
This world keeps spinning faster
To a new disaster, so I run to you
I run to you, Baby
When it all starts coming undone
Baby, you're the only one I run to
I run to you
Oh oh, oh I run to you
[Chorus]
This world keeps spinning faster
To a new disaster, so I run to you
I run to you, Baby
When it all starts coming undone
Baby, you're the only one I run to
I run to you, I run to you
Yeah
Oh oh, oh I run to you
I'll run to you girl
Oh Oh
I always run to you
Run to you
Run to

Twins...

So... Today I got to talk to Santi ( short for Santiago...) who just so happens to be Gustavo's younger brother. He is awesome. So while I shopped around for Jewelry me and Santi chatted it up. He told me my spanish has gotten better. His English has gotten better. Then he told me he wanted to come visit me in Georgia. I told him he should do it, and that I would throw a huge party with tons of hottie girls in his honor. This is the sad part. he told me " Afton!" I responded with :what? then he said" Te Extrano" and that did it for me. Wanna know why? because when Santi says certian things, him and Gustavo have twin voices. They sound IDENTICAL. and that mad me sad. because I miss Gus. It was good to hear from Santi though. It was like "hey good memories, come back ." I miss Santi. He's one cool guy.In other news. I gots a new swimmin suit. yay for that. We found a dead rat in the pool tonight though:( good story really. ask me bout it sometime. I was going to share some stuff i've realized about myself, but i've really forgotten most of it. I think i'll go to bed soon. maybe. anywho. it's time to sleep. RANDOM QUESTION: How many of you guys think that Jon is actually Cheating on Kate? I don't have a deff answer , but i'm leaning towards this theory: Jon and Kate+8 is losing uhm rating? so they're creating DRAMA to increase the tv rating. that's my theory. So yeah , lemme know your opinion.

I discover new things

Everyday I learn something new about myself . I will go into more detail tomorrow , but I will leave you with a funny thing I realized tonight. this is honestly all it takes.

One look at the bathroom, or even just thinking about the bathroom, even the word bathroom, and suddenly i have to go. Bad. Doesnt matter if i Just got off the toilet. if i even think of the bathroom , i have to go potty and take a shower.

it's really weird. I discovered this and started laughing. I'm pathetic.

Wanna know something ?

Wanna know something about long distance relationships?!?!
Yeah, they suck.

the end.

No seriously they do.

Amazed

As I was lying in bed last night...(laying, lying...whatever) I could'nt sleep so I was just there thinking. In the dark. This is what I thought about. My parents. It was weird, but I was just going over everything I knew about them. I know that at 19 my dad married my mom who was 21 at the time. When my Dad was 21 and my mom was 23 , They had me. So I was in bed thinking "was I ready at 19 to get married? -no" "at 21 will I be ready to have a baby? - half of me says sure why not? the other half says heck no. be happy you're not preggo." And now I look at my parents and after 23 years of marriage they're still crazy in love with each other.I wonder what it takes to keep the love that strong for 23 + years? I don't know. But I think it's pretty awesome. Anyways.I just thought i'd share that.

Monday's are FUN days...

Ok so not usually because I always have to be up at 5:30 am in order to get to work by 6. But this Monday should prove to be fun. It's because I get to work with my best friend!!! AKA BRETT EMMA NEWBERRY , my SISTER!!!! I'm pretty stoked. I love my sister and can't wait till I get to see her all the time. I hope us working together only makes us love each other more :) and I hope all the dumb (cute,but dumb) boys I work with will just leave her alone. Doubt it since they don't leave anyone alone (especially me) .And I hope she doesnt think i'm a slut. lol. I'm sure she wont , but just in case.... lol. welll that's all i got right now. until later.
Afton

Nursery and other greatness.

So I told you earlier that I would blog about my little kiddos. I'll go ahead and do that. Pic's will be posted way later. when I actually get them.

Claire:She's our oldest. She has such character. my mom does the music in primary and Nursery. Today my mom came in and Claire looked at her and said "I don't feel good today" and that was that. we love Claire.

Ashlynn: Claires partner in nursery crime.These two will almost always be seen together. Ashlynn is adorable. She talks ALL the time. Half the time you can't understand a word she says, but it's cute and funny. That will be about all you get out of it. Ashylnn will always compliment your shoes or jewelry. Cute.

Christian : Christian is a flirt and a bully all at the same time. He loves cars. He has the cutest smile and it's VERY hard to say no to him. Once he puts on that face he gets whatever it is that he wants. He's always in some kind of mischeif and it's funny.

Alana :She is super cute, and super tall for a 2 year old.She gives the best hugs and can eat as much as the boys. She always is willing to share her toys and trys to comfort the crying , newer kids in nursery. She's full of energy she has the cutest curls and you can't help but to love her.

Kelsey: Kelsey is the youngest girl in nursery at 22 months old.Kelsey and me have a special bond and she usually comes running to me when she wants something. She has THE CUTEST smile ever. Sis. Privette and me usually spend our time trying to make her smile it's that great. She's the chunkiest baby. I love Kelsey. ALOT.

Aaron: We were super glad when Aaron moved in. Him and Christian are the only boys. Aaron usually plays by himself and throws a huge tantrum when he doesnt get what he wants. besides this I dont know much about him yet.

Lilly:She is the newest girl , and littlest. She's super cute. she cries when her parents leave but will usually stop after you pick her up. Today she had a rough day though because she didnt feel good. she has the cutest haircut. the one where it's long in the front but short in back. Pretty blue eyes , she loves to cuddle. She is my 2nd favorite now , and my new best friend lol. I love her.

so those are my nursery kids.
In other news: my bath water was super hot. i melted.
Gustavo is going to tell me the results of his MRI tomorrow. I want to know but I dont all at the same time , mostly because I know it wont be what I so desperately want to hear. I mean I'll be genuinely happy one way and I'll be ok / indifferent the other way. honestly I dont care.. no i lied. but i'll feel bad either way. so it's whatever. yeah , so anyways i've got to get ready for bed now.
peace out homeskillet.

Lilly

I'm in love with lilly. she's a new girl in our ward. she's 2 maybe? I think a bit younger than that actually. It doesnt matter i'm in love with her. I'll brag more about my nursery kids later. Right now i'm gonna take a nap. I just wanted to give Lilly a good introduction.

this may be the wrong thing to say...

But... I want Gustavo home, and I want him home now. I don't like this whole mission thing anymore. SURE I want him to be happy. NO , I'm not praying for it to happen. But I SURE AM THINKING IT. ALL THE TIME. I'm so done with it. I need him here. I think I just realized how much. Like seriously. I need him. he's pretty much , my life. I miss his hugs, kisses, everything about him I miss. I've missed him so much lately that it's actually making me nauseous. It's been like this since oh ... thursday night. yeah. He's the only one who understands me completely. He never pressures me into stuff I dont want to do. I got a letter from him and he was telling me how it was Raining in CALI, and how he remembered how we used to watch movies or General Conference during the rain , and occasionally...( like twice maybe..) I fell asleep on him. ( not literally ppls.) As I read this I smiled and thought .. I miss that, and I do. I miss him and everything we used to do like CRAZY. He's the only person I want to cuddle with. To Marry , fall asleep next to every night for the rest of eternity. and that's exactly what I want with him. ETERNITY. We could live in a snowball for the rest of our lives and as long as I was with him , i'd be happy. I'd be more than willing to live with him in S.L.U.T. forever. I think i'll dream of him tonight.

Like peanut butter and Jelly

Me and sticky, irresistable situations get along like Peanut butter and jelly. It's perfection how we were made for each other. We're old friends. I love you sticky situations :)

200 POSTS!!

This is a magical night of wonder.
My mom and i have agreed that we're losing half of our mail.

I'm still waiting for :
a wedding invite that my friend supposedly sent me
Gus letters... I actually dont know if he's written me. I assume he has
Quiz grades.
School package numero dos.

How do they expect me to continue my education if they never mail me the stuff i need. It's dumb. I'm so ready for this week to be over. even though i'm having a bit of fun. crazy me. I LOVE the fact that in 2 days i get paid. it will be wonderful good. I'm going to get my hair layered same length , just layered. It will be AWESOME. true that. yes. k gotta go to bed in my hot un-airconditioned house. ewwww. It's a necessity that my future home have AC. Hey gus. remember when the people never turned the AC OR heater on in your house? that sucked. this is 10 times worse. i think. maybe not.

The trouble with summer is :

Our air conditioning refuses to work.
Sims 3 wasnt as awesome as it was made out to be
Summer online classes.
Work (need i say more)
No but i will.
cant get to bed on time.
and did I mention work?
and that our air conditioning doesnt work.?
Oh yeah. I did. it sucks. I'm tired. Gustavo hasnt written or emailed me YET. there are things I simply need to know. what . the .HECK. I think he died. that would suck even more.let's hope he didnt. because it would not be good if he did. wow. I state the obvious when i'm tired. I shall talk to you more tomorrow. Maybe. If i'm not dying of hunger and lack of sleep. bye.

oh yeah

I forgot the bachelorette comes on tonight. Hey Gustavo. remember when i used to watch that in the computer lab at school? and i'd like randomly gasp and scream no!!! and you'd turn and look at me and be like what happened ? and i'd reply ... she kicked this dude off!! remember that? I do. lol .

Goodbye May.

Goodbye. I will NOT miss you . At all. I'm personally happy may is over. of course i'm not liking June too much either. But today is the first day of June and I feel like June deserves a chance to be the best it can be. this week is customer appreciation week. i hate that. bleh. why appreciate people who get mad at us because of dumb things.? I don't understand it. anyways. The SIMS 3 comes out tomorrow , and mommy is buying it for us. you had best believe i'm excited about that. anyways I cant talk for long because i have to study. ( Gustavo I know you're shocked by this lol. Face it. I do alot of things that surprise you :) and i do them good!) lol I love life. well for this second i do. Robby bobby and Brett are going to play wackee six with me tonight. yay for that :)

Hi.

Well hello.
Today was a great day . Work was good, although i'm sure next week is going to be CRAZY. After all, next week is customer appreciation week. I think they should have an employee appreciation week. True story. Friday I got a letter from Gustavo , and that was nice. I love just chilling. anyways. I don't really have much to say besides these 2 things.
1) May is pretty much over, thank goodness
2) I'm giving up Sodas in June right? well tomorrow , my last day , is a sunday. I can't even drink a Soda on my last day of sodas. that sucks.

wha' ha' happen was.....

So this is what's going on in my life. I just bought new Runnin shoes ( very cute ones I might add), a Dance it off , tone it up DVD, and a mini pilates ball that came with a DVD. I did the dance DVD twice , a good bit of the pilates DVD , and an AB ripper DVD all today. I'm in a load of pain. good pain , but pain. I'm tired of having BACKSTABBING friends. I'm so over it.So what am I going to do? forget all of them and just exercise my sorrow away. I'm so ready for this year to be over. Seriously. It's been a good year for Brett, the worst for me. I guess in a few day's I'll find out about Gustavo and how he's doing , but now more than ever I feel so far away from him. sure the time is going by faster , but the distance between us feels farther. ( because a country away isn't really THAT far away. (can you sense the sarcasim) anyways. Life sucks but I came up with a good quote while i was in the shower. it goes like this. " Sometimes life doesnt go the way you plan it or even want it to go , but it keeps on going." I felt really proud of my quote. it's so true. so that's that. My diet plan for the summer? In June i'm going to cut out Soda's completely. ( ahhhh bring on the advil) in July not only am I going to continue no sodas , but i'm cutting out sweets.( This one won't be as hard but will still be pretty hard) and August i'll most likely cut out fries. (easy nuff) and i'll be running and doing my little killer DVD's . so by the end of August I'm hoping to be a graduated BEAST. lol. bring it on. however i'll be a lonely graduated beast. so that's about all i've got right now. i'm gonna go to bed now. love ya'll

My mommy is amazing.

My mamma is making me a quilt for my wedding.:) and you know what ?!?! She's already got half of it done! I'm super proud of her. and it looks REALLY good too for her first quilt.:) Life seems to be going pretty good for everyone in my household. but i'm especially proud of my mommy and her quilt. GOOD JOB MAMMA!!

Better believe i'm annoyed.

I just downloaded a TON of my favorite songs onto my itunes so i can put them on my Ipod. duh. But i can't find the usb adaptor thing that plugs my ipod into my computer. so i cant sync them onto my ipod. yes i'm annoyed. very annoyed. anywho. overall my day was pretty good. yes. we'll i have a long day tomorrow. so i'll just chit chat with you then.

Best anniversary yet.

So this is why:
A) I GOT 100'S ON MY FIRST TWO QUIZZES!!!!!!!
B) My car passed emissions. whew.
C) I bought Australia. A movie that i'm in love with.
D) I found a C.D. I forgot I had.
E) I figured out lesson #5 for school.
See what a great day it's been for me?!?! I just hope Gustavo's has been just as good!!!!
~Afton~

I'm insanely Tired.

Wow. It's 11:11pm. what did i wish for? That Gustavo would come home soon , and that his MRI would go well. yeah i know very oxymoron-ish. But you know what. I DO want his MRI to go good, I just want him home already. Sue me for wanting that. He can stay out , i just want him home. So if time just passed fast enough for me to THINK he was coming home soon ,i might possibly be satisfied. anyways. That's not what i wanted to blog about. well it kind of is. I just wanted to say that Gustavo's MRI is tomorrow. and that I love him and will be thinking of him ON this double important day. because it is a BIG day for my love. A) It's our 20 month anniversary go us. and b) His MRI will or should show what's wrong with his knee after 5/6 months. he says 5 , but i'm pretty sure it's like 6. anyways. he'll find out what's wrong with his knee and that's good. I think he'll be able to relax a bit when he finds out. or at least they can give him something that will make it less painful. I love him. true that. anyways. I love you Gustavo , and wish you the BEST on your MRI tomorrow :)

Things I learned this weekend.

1) My sister Brett is super anal about the little things
2) I can't cook waffles to save my life

Just because Brett is really annoying about those things, and Just because I can't cook waffles doesnt mean i'm going to stop enjoying them.

ok... finally my promise.

So remember how way back when i decided i was going to start my diet? and how i was going to lose so much weight? how i promised i would track my weight loss on here. and how that very next day i promised to give all my starting weight? well i'm finally keeping that promise :) my starting weight is 136 , which really isnt soooo bad, but for Afton who's used to weighing around 115 to 120 her WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE... this is freakishly large. obese almost. so i'm going to fix that. now. my goal weight on my online tracker is 115 , but anywhere from 112 to 120 would be just fine. and i'm going to try and keep this weight until my first child. yes. then i can get back up to 136. because that my friends is reasonable out of a married woman with a child. so there you go. I CAN keep a promise.

Global Warming at it's finest :)

Seriously, it all started with that freakish Snowstorm March 1st... and continued with the 2 months of rain. everyday. seriously. it has rained for 2 months straight. like really? when has it ever rained that much in Georgia. really?!?!

Heres' to a well accomplished day ;)

So here's what went down.
Woke up at 5:30 am
Went to work. and worked till 2pm
Came home and found a letter from Gustavo, my true love :)
Read the letter and put a big smile on my face and heart.
went with Brett to pick up Colby
the three of us then made a treck to Blockbuster and Kroger for our Girls night out(spent inside because of rain )
we rented:
Marley and Me... the BEST, WORST movie you could ever watch... if you know what i mean.
Legally Blondes....Kinda lame really , but not too bad i suppose
And..BEDTIME STORIES. i'm not really sure how i felt about this , but i liked it none the less.

Then Brett and Colby did their nails and guess what?!?! it's 10 o clock and they are asleep!! how awesome is that !?!? I feel like a proud mother whose children are finally putting themselfs to sleep and sleeping through the night. so now i have time to just lay back for a while and bask in this feeling of love that is consuming my heart. I love my sisters. We have a stronger bond than we've EVER had before, which makes us extremely close, and I love that. I want it to last forever ,and I think it will. I LOVE my parents. I love my mom , because i think for once we just have this understanding of why we think the way we do and why we are who we are... and it's just comfortable. Me and my dad? well he's my daddy. and i'm pretty sure i'm always going to be daddy's little girl. My parents always have this uncanny ability to say just what i need to hear , when i need to hear it. My mom knows when i need a hug , and i've gotten better at agreeing with her.she'll let me just cry over lost friends,and long distance, lonely ,missing you love. Daddy knows how to encourage me and let me know that I CAN reach my goals if i try hard enough , and he's smart and patient enough to help me figure out how to reach them.
And then there's Gustavo. Honestly... I REALLY dont know how i've ever lived without him , and over the last 9 months i've realized i'd rather not live without him ever again. He is my better half. he combines the best of my parents and my sisters, and can use all my favorite qualities about each of them individually , but he's also him. and between the 5 of my favorite people wrapped all up into the body and essence of Gustavo, I realize i cant go wrong. that i HAVE indeed found the man i'm supposed to be with. Patient, kind, loving....and everything i could possibly ever describe. all in him.
then there's my Lord and savior. wow. I look back on even just the last 2 months and i can see how he's changed me. and i do believe it's for the better.Without the lord , my life would be unbearable at times. when i dont think anyone understands me , i know he does. Over the last 9 months , I can see him working in my life. providing me with miracles i can see in my life and in Gustavo's. I see him molding us into the people and couple we were meant to be. It's amazing to see that happening in my life. and it makes me so grateful and less afraid of my future.
So i guess i just want to take this time to thank all the above mentioned people. Thank you for making me the person i was meant to become. I dont know how i could've done it without all of you :) much love.
<3 ME

Go BRAVES!!!!

Today was a blast AND... the braves won!!!yes. Victory is ours. I will post up pics of the highlights of the night Tomorrow. For right now i am tired. Been up since 5:30 and i'm exhausted, and thirsty. But yeah right now i'm going to go write Gustavo, then i'm goin to work a little bit on a picture i'm drawing, then i'm gonna go to bed because i'm getting an amazing headache. And i have to buy and mail a anniversary card tomorrow :) way to go us gustavo a few more days and we'll have hit 20 months. we pretty much rock.

Guess what?

I have 2 new pillows , a much needed thing , considering my other 2 were nothing but nothing, and were giving me neck problems. So now i have 2 new pillows and pillow cases, and you know what ? My neck has not hurt once today. so that is good. I hate my computer. I'm gonna try and fix it. k bye

Today...

Today kinda. well , sucked. yep. I did NOT get a letter from Gustavo , so that upset me. Then my best friend decided to not hang out with me , which would have been an okay thing if she had just called me and told me she didnt want to , but no! she's all , yeah i'll call you tomorrow and let you know details, so all of us could hang out together. nope i dont get anything until 10 pm saying yeah i hung out with everybody , then went to the wedding reception of a person she doesnt even like. which is dumb. I knew she was with our friends and had stood me up because i called her house. She had told her mom i would be there too. I deff wasnt. It ticks me off because she is ALWAYS doing this to me. Always. grrr. I'm done with it. after 9:45 my day got better, Colby and I went bowling, came home and played wackee six with B-rett and Robby bobby. then just chilled. It's now one am. i'm going to bed in a few seconds. Love you bye.

Laugh

That's all I really want to do right now, laugh. It's so much fun! gahhh.... May is ALMOST over which means it's almost June, which means It's allmost July , WHICH means it's alllmost AUGUST!! I'll be 21 and Gus will have been out a year. ( oh yeah Gustavo I know that you know my mom and Brett call you Gus, but I dont think that I've told you the nickname has stuck and now everyone , including myself :( is calling you Gus. well everyone in my immediate family that is. I think it's kinda catchy dont you?) yes. I'm ready for this year to be over. I'm just done with this year. even though it has gone by rather quickly . I could've sworn just yesterday I was With Ginny and Jessica for New Years. but no, just yesterday i was off of work just chillaxing with my mamma and daddy. yes. I love Laughing...

I cant sleep.

I blame my insomnia on the fact that I took a nap today and the fact that I drank half of an energy drink an hour before bed. I'm calling it my dumb move of the day. seriously. I love sleeping and therefore hate it when I can't sleep. NEVER again will I drink an energy drink an hour before bed. I can sleep after a nap , but topping a nap with an energy drink i should've known would be dumb. LAMMMMEEEEE. anywho, i'd write gustavo ,but it's dark in my room. I'd also journal ,but again it's dark in my room. I have to be up in 4 and a half hours ... and i'm WIDE AWAKE. GRRR. sometimes i'm dumb.

You know what I dont get?

I don't get the purpose of 1st birthday parties. Like seriously your kid is turning one. they don't know how old they're turning, and they certianly have no clue what all the fuss is about. All they know is they're getting loads of attention and lots of toys. I swear my kids are NOT going to have a first birthday party. They can have one when they are 2 and actually have friends. from then on sure kids have a party. Until you're 2 you'll just have to put up with mommy , daddy, and maybe the grandparents having a small family get together in your honor.

I laugh

So, I have this uncanny ability to clean my room to perfection. Then not 5 minutes later it will look almost exactly like it did before I cleaned it. I cleaned my room on monday i think? It's now wednesday and my room is kinda messy. not as messy though. at least you can see the floor now. Before I cleaned it i think it would be safe to have called it a fire hazard. but i cleaned it, because frankly it was starting to bother me.I hate messes. i'm sure if i had the time ...nevermind. that's not really a liable excuse. anyways. sooo. Yup. friday dancing love it. YAY. ok i'm done. lol. I'm really bored too. maybe i'll go browse the walmart website and long for Items for my future home. it's my favorite way to pass time.

Oh i forgot

I forgot to let ya'll know of my new goals

A) I want to weigh 112 by the end of the year , and keep it off
B) I want my wedding dress to be a size 2. I'd say one but i think i'll be lucky to fit into a size 2 because i have the biggest ..chest... on the planet.

I'll post up my current weight tomorrow and every wednesday i'll update my progress :) yay. it will take hard work and lots of motivation, but i'm pretty sure i can do it!!!

Ok here goes...

This is what was going on Sunday. I was having one of my... withdrawel days. After talking to a good friend Aubrey, I worked it all out. I really do love Gustavo. I can't picture life without him. I guess what's happening is I've never been in a relationship this long.Also my sisters and I arent really known for commitment , we're known for flirting. lol . But... It seems that we've broken a trend. Brett is finally in a relationship ( we never expected that) and has been for almost 3 months. It's amazing. this is the girl who taught ME how to flirt. She's that good. but she's in a relationship , and although she wont say it out loud until he says it first ( you go girl!) she loves him. Me? I've been in the longest relationship i've ever been in. almost 2 years!!! I think it scares me too. I've never been with a guy who simply wants to be with me. I'm not used to this. I think the fact that i am going to be with him for the rest of my life scares me. no , i'm looking forward to it. I'm just scared of the unknown. I dont know what life has in store for us and it scares me. I dont know if we'll be good parents. i dont know how we'll handle actual married life. when you're dating it's different. You're still trying to win the person, you want to make sure they want to keep you. after that... well you've got them. the little details dont matter to you as much anymore. anyways. that's what was going on. I'm ok now. I realize that as scarey as it is , he's probably just as scared , but we'll have each other to lean on during the tough times. And Gustavo... I promise that i'll remember the little things. that way we'll always love each other. And we'll make everyday an adventure... it will be exciting and unexpected. it will be fun. that's my promise to you!!!

These emotions are NEVER new.

I want to blog, but dont. I have so many emotions running through me right now.
I loved hearing from Gustavo today...yet...part of me wonders if we really will make it. I feel like .I dont know. we're perfect for each other , but i honestly dunno. It seems almost too perfect to be real. and I wonder if... I dont know. I'll let you completely know when i do. sorry :(

Routine.

I feel like i'm stuck in a daily routine... and i just recently added something to my routine , so i'm even busier , but i hate the routine and right now it goes like this:

Wake up
Work 8 hours
Come home and rest for like 1 hour
School for however long that takes.
Spanish study
Wind down time
Sleep.

and repeat. gahhh i'm super busy but not all at the same time. Today I had to actually sit down and plan out what times i could hang out with people and still get stuff done. Since i'm hoping to get school and spanish done tonight before bed , it looks like this.

6-2 work
2-4 hang with one friend
4-6 Hang with another friend
6-? movie with liz and sisters/shoppin for mommy day.
and then bed. gahhhh. I've left no nap time which i guess is ok since i've been tryin to wean myself off of them. Seriously i know that sounds pathetic, but i seriously used to take a 2 hour nap after work EVERYDAY. now i'm down to maybe 2-3 times a week. this week only 2 times. Anyways. I also havent heard from gus in like...2 weeks almost. which bugs the crap outta me. seriously. i at least need a hello i'm not dead letter. i dont know, my mom says it's good he isnt writing me as much , but i have to disagree. I am the girlfriend here.

What the?!?

I'm so tired of the weekly storms that make the Weather sirens go off. seriously this happens once a week and nothing happens. One day i think they'll go off and nobody will listen, and then we'll all die. It's annoying. I probably shouldnt take a nap. I'm trying to avoid it , but i'm so tired. and it's just sleepy time. I'm really sleepy. so yeah. anyways. I think i'm going to take that nap i'll regret later. and yeah. I couldnt sleep last night so i popped in my spanish and listened to it. until i was sleepy enough to sleep. spanish ALWAYS puts me to sleep. not that it's boring to me, i just find it very comforting. for some reason. that's why/how i've known since i was 5 that i would marry a latin guy. YES I HAVE KNOWN IT THAT LONG

Realize.

Today I realized I set A LOT of high expectations for myself. Unbelivelbly high expectations that are mostly unattainable. Then when I fall short of these expectations , I beat myself up about it. So work gets very hard on days like today. when EVERYBODY I work with has gotten very little sleep , and are kinda short fused. I think we all held it together pretty well ...Until the end. By the end of all our shifts, we were so gone. especially me. mostly me actually. I wont go into details, but it got rough. out of all this i've gotten so much. Kevin told me that if I ever needed to know how i was doing and what i could improve on i could just ask him. and he'd let me know and help me get started on that. so that's nice. And probably the best thing i learned today is that i'm not letting Doug down. and that's important because He's like another father figure in my life. I look up to him. So i'm glad i havent let him down . I hope i never do.

On the downside of today... I dont think i've gotten a letter from gustavo in like 2 weeks. no wait i got one on monday. i think. but still. I miss him. and his letters.I mean i'm not one to say anything because i have trouble getting things mailed off to him on time ... but when i do manage to get them mailed off i believe what i send him is pretty awesome. He can correct me if im wrong. but still....gah. I miss him. he needs to come back in ...soon. yup ok nap. bye

Wanna hear a good story ?

This story is about the picture above of me and Gustavo ( the blog title picture)

So once upon a time this really cute prince and this not so cute princess were invited by their friend Princess Michelle, to go to the corn maze. So Prince Gustavo , Princess Afton , and Princess Michelle went.
Upon arrival princess afton found this cute little wagon and insisted that pictures be taken. So prince gustavo pulls afton around in the wagon , then they switch and afton pulls prince gustavo around in the wagon. all of the sudden afton wondered if they could both fit. so she told gustavo to move back so she could see. what do you know!! they both fit. a picture was taken , and memories were made.

Moral of the story? I love how gustavo's arms fit around my waist just right.

good times. yup.

Shoes and Ties.

Today I went to CVS just to get some nail polish and decided that since I had been stuck inside my house ALL day I would just walk around some more. That's when I found it... the most amazing little invention ever. IT was a crayola kit that let you design your own tie. IT came with a white tie , and fabric crayons to color on that tie and design you could possibly Imagine. I think I will have to buy more kits like this. So tonight I spent my time Creating a tie for my love. I will have to put pictures of it up once Brett has done her little portion of it. ME GUSTA MUCHO. It was amazing and made me realize how much I really do LOVE CRAYOLA. I will always have a thing for Crayola. Please dont be jealous Gustavo. We've just got chemistry me and Crayola.

Second off is I FOUND MY BLUE WEDDING SHOES... and I convinced mommy to buy them for me. It took alot of convincing. What won her over? this quote right here: " But mommy...Brett broke my black high heels, so TECHNICALLY you owe me a pair." That did it ladies and Gentlemen. OMG I'M SO IN LOVE WITH THEM! They are the right color, size , and almost the same exact design as the ones I wanted. I was very excited that I found these shoes for 12 dollars. I'm also very grateful that my mamma bought them so it's one less thing I have to worry about next year when i'm getting everything else ready for the BIG day. Plus i'll have a color to match the Bridesmaids dresses to now!! Which is perfect. I'm going to have a cute shoe picture in my wedding album.

Photography...

I think i'm going to take up photography in my downtime...these are a few reasons why ...( because i'm so darn good. duh)

lonelies and self pities.

My dad diagnosed me with a bad case of the Lonelies and Self Pities. I've been an emotional mess this week, and it's not because of mother natures gift to women. I promise. I think it's a mixture of stress, lonely (duh) and well every single one of my friends gettin married. I wouldnt mind so much if all of them were like my good friend Andrew who is older than me and getting married , but no at least 4 of them are younger than me. It's just not right. I mean I REALLY want to be happy for them , but It's not fair. i have at least 5 friends who have announced their engagement, and one friend getting married. this has all happened this month...and the beginning of next. also within the last 3 months I have had just as many friends celebrated their one year wedding anniversary. so i'm feeling pretty down in the dumps. I've decided i need a vacation very badly. But that is just not possible right now. I have money , I just need to save that money because of A)School. B) new car. C) apartment. D)well...because I will be getting married at the end of next year. so I do need money...yes. I'm really hot. gah. I'm also pretty tired. And i need to get money out for tithing tomorrow , while i'm depositing money from Fed tax Return. wowie. yup. good times in my life. JUST KIDDING!!!

Love.

I love Gustavo. As of today we have been together for just over a year and a half. haha 19 months to be exact. Boy do I love him. So much. mmmm I think i've just been extremely close to him lately. maybe not physically , but I feel extremely connected to him lately. we may be an entire country apart, but I think we are more connected than we have ever been , and I love that about us. I can NOT wait to see him again in 16 months. I'm so excited. I am never going to let him go . not at all. anywho. I just wanted to wish my love a VERY HAPPY anniversary. :) I can't wait to get the jewelry he sent me !!!

Scream.

That is exactly what i want to do right now . Scream. I just. I'm so done. lol i guess you are thinking : what is with the mood swings lately?

I'm a girl, that's what's with them.

I have a lady I work with, Usually I can put up with her relatively well. Today I got to the point where I had enough with her. And I guess i made it clear how I felt , because after i said something , she left me alone. hopefully it will stay like that. Mostly because i'm done putting up with it. That's mostly what my problem is today.

Other than that my motivation has moved to a zero. actually all of my levels are at zero. I have a zero motivatiion level , zero tolerance level... It's not like i'm completely unmotivated. I mean i still want to do things, I just am tired of needing to do them. Like work. like everyone else on the planet i'm sure, if i didnt have to work , i wouldnt. I would stay home and watch movies and cuddle with Gustavo all day everyday if things were free.

Right now the only thing I have motivation for is to pick up my check tomorrow and deposit it after a long day at work , and start school. after that motivation for much else kind of just leaves. Anyways. enough for today , i need to sleep. or try to. yup bye

Good day

Today was a better day than I expected. work wasnt too bad, hung out with Kevin and just talked. Which felt good.
Come home and have a letter so i can enroll in classes to become a medical claims and billing person :) excitement around every corner, plus the classes are online , so i get to stay home which everyone who knows me knows is PERFECT for me. and it's in the medical field , which is what i've always wanted to do. So Bueno to that.
Now , dad is taking Colby to tennis, Brett's doing whatever it is she does best, and i'm laying in bed preparing for a much needed nap. 4 hours of sleep just doesnt cut it anymore.Tomorrow i have off so i'm going shopping to get Gustavo a Easter AND anniversary card. I swear the 26th just creeps up on me each month. It's hard to believe me and Gustavo have been "together" for almost 2 years. crazy weird. but our 2 year anniversary will come right after his 1 year mission mark. WHOOOOPEEEE!!!!
My mamma is making me a quilt.. i believe she said for my wedding , but i wasnt really paying attention to our phone conversation to be honest . i was too wrapped up in the enrollment forms. So i guess that's whatever really. Yeahhhhh...I'm going to go to bed before i have people dying. of either laughter or boredom. yup . latah gatahs.

I'm soo ready

Yeah i'm so ready to just have my own place already. be it an apartment or tent. I'm emotionally ready to just not live at home anymore. Who would want to when your parents think you do nothing, and think you're too old to live at home at 20( dont get me wrong. I see where they're coming from ,but it's hard to stay ok with it when you have plenty of friends the same age still living with their parents) I'm tired of having my parents down my throat every other day over stupid little things. IT'S SO DUMB. Anyways , my Grandparents are coming into town tomorrow. My little cousin who lives here is getting baptized. so that's exciting, but they'll be staying with us thursday and friday. I've got to get to bed now though,so i'll try to give you a better update later. K bye.

Special People

Have you ever just thought about your life and the people in it and just thought those are some people i will never forget. Most of the people I will never ever forget are the Elderly People I've come in contact with over the years. I'll tell you a little bit about the 3 amazing people that I will never forget in the order I met them.

1) I only know her first name: Love. True story. My daddy used to take me over to her house every now and then. Mostly when he had to fix things. I would always sit on her lap and she would read me the same book over and over again. It was called I'll love you forever. I still know the little "song" she sang it to. I can even remember all the flowers and trees. I dont know how since i was like 3 at the time , but i do.

2) also I only know her first name: Yvette. I met her when i was about 12 . we were caroling around christmas time at a nursing home and we were allowed to just go around the nursing home , knocking on doors and singing. I was in a group with Brittany Ballington , Megan Tiffany , and a few others. She let us in. not only did we sing to her , but she told us stories , we played puzzles with her. we went back the next year as young women again. the same group of girls went to look for her, we loved her so much , but she was gone. My little 13 year old heart broke.

3) Louise Campbell. I loved this woman. we would go over to her house at least once a week. We'd bring her food and she'd give us diet coke. We'd sit and talk for hours. We loved looking at all her dolls. She always brought us something from all the Garage sales she went to. She died almost 2 years ago i think. I miss her everyday when i drive by her house that her niece now lives in with her family.

I think it's kind of strange how the things that matter the most to us as we grow up , are the little things that you or anyone else does. Anyways , i need to go to bed, but i thought i'd share.

I'd miss them...

Sometimes I seriously wonder if anybody would seriously miss me if I died. I mean the world would continue to go on each day , not even missing a beat in time. They'd all go about their normal everyday lifes right? so would anybody seriously miss me if i just ... disappeared. and never returned. Sometimes i think not. I'd miss them though.

I thought I was going to die

We have been under a severe weather storm for the last oh 5 hours maybe? The tornado sirens went off Twice in an hour. Crazy. I was literally running around my house getting my "essentials". what were those? Check it out
Blankie
Cell Phone
Framed picture of carlitos , and one of me and carlitos
Letters from Carlitos
Photo album of pics Gustavo has sent me
The Giraffe Gustavo gave me for Valentines
Jolly Ranchers
and... My camera.
Yeah , i figured everything else , my mom would have in our 72 hour kits. Anyways it's still raining , and i'm needing to go to bed, so i opened my window to fall asleep to the rain. Wonderful idea my parents had. I'm terrified of Storms , so what better way to fall asleep.? I am one Confused human.

Today.

Today is a good day. I am making a mix tape for my bestie Liz.
I'm tired, but my Bestie Liz is coming over tonight , we are going to look at letters from Gustavo , Play wacky 6, and do stuff. Tomorrow I'm going to dye my hair again I think.
I miss my Gustavo. Very Much. I'll be ok though. Did you know he's been out 8 months this month? My how time flies...even when you're not having fun. that just means 4 months until he's been out for a whole year. I hear time REALLY flies after the year mark, but me and Gustavo both agree that time is already starting to pick up. at least it feels like it's speeding up. We can both feel it. I'm pretty sure I can make it to at least till the year mark. I'll deff be able to make it after that long.

Anyways... maybe i will take a nap. I'm so tired. so , so tired. Chau.

For Once

For one day I would simply love it if everything would just go the way I want it to go. Seriously. this was a good work day ,but a stinky life is happening day. Dont get me wrong i'm glad i'm alive. It's just been a ROUGH day.

Right now all I really REALLY want is for Gustavo to be here and tell me everything is going to get better.Or to try and fix things, but he's not. He has his own problems he has to deal with right now, like getting better. PLUS he's on his mission. So that kinda makes things tough too. Ahhh i'm going to take a nap. Because I can.

What a day

Woke up .
Felt Nauseous.
Took Tums.
Went to work.
No good.
Came home.
Threw up.
Slept.
Threw up.
I'm sensing a pattern developing...It's still raining on top of that. I'm giving up on setting a normal sleeping pattern , because what's the use? I blame the rain. The pollen too. For making me feel so sick. I can't think of a real reason i'd be sick like this , so i blame the rain, and the pollen. BOOOOO. I really don't feel good. AT ALL.

It's raining...Again

It ALWAYS rains here. or at least it has for the last 2 weeks. I can't sleep , and as a result i'm awake blogging when in all reality i should be asleep because i have 5 hours until i have to be up for work. work 8 hours and NOT take a nap because i wont sleep tomorrow night , and i HAVE to sleep tomorrow night because i have to be up at 5:30 am in order to work ANOTHER 8 hour day. but at least after that day i can nap. I wish i had my Gustavo here. I could use a good cuddle. or at least a goodnight hug and kiss. I think we should get married. lol , he told me he'd marry me ... but after his mission. which is bueno. muy bueno. aghhhh . I'm going to try and listen to the thunder and HOPE it puts me to sleep. because nothing else is.

Yummy

OH YES. I am pretty darn sure i'm in love with this boy. I think i just may marry him in the future. I think we will have some pretty cute kids together. yes yes yes. can you see my big smile?!?! Yay. I will never get tired of this Handsome man.

My home will be filled with...

Tons of pretty smelling candles
A classy amount of pretty pictures on the walls and shelfs
About 4 children?

I think it's a pretty perfect life

In other news. Gustavo's healing has hit a standstill... let's hope that he gets better.

Guess I've lost parental approval...

Gustavo's parents dont want us dating while he's on his mission i'm guessing. and my parents agree... sort of. So i guess i should just break up with him. I cant do it though. I can't put myself through the pain . If it needs to end , Gustavo is going to have to do it. Because I cant do it. not to myself. Only our friends want us together apparantly. I'm so over everything. I just want it all to end. EVERYTHING. gah.

I love you babe..

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control."

- Unknown

Gustavo + Afton = LOVE
Te amo mi vida..

And P.S!!

All I could really use right now ,are some flowers and a hug. now i'm done

One of THOSE days...

Ok I had one of those days. you know. the days where everything is going wrong and you just dont care what people think anymore. Yeah that's my day. So... I wake up , go to work. everything is good. so far. We get backed up in drive thru. My boss yells at me and tells me that it's my fault pretty much... ( his dad keeps apologizing. apparantly he could tell that i was near tears.) then...I finally get off work. see letters from Gustavo and i'm like yes. something good to look forward to. The letters were amazing for the most part. I loved the pictures too. Got much needed laughs out of those. Then i read that his parents read my blog. not a big deal. read all you want. BUT.... his dad lectures him about focusing on his mission and not on me. his dad is afraid that Gustavo wont focus on his mission . All because of me. and this is just because he called me on christmas and didnt tell them. THIS post might offend him and his parents, but you know what i just DONT CARE anymore. not today. I've had a rough day and that just topped it all off. I dont care. Gustavo told me to watch what i write on here, but you know what?!?! IT'S MY BLOG!!! IF YOU DONT LIKE WHAT YOU READ, THEN DONT READ IT!!! I CAN AND WILL WRITE WHATEVER I SO CHOOSE. If his parents dont like me anymore , oh well it's not their opinion that matters to me. Sure them liking me helps A LOT. but if they dont , i wont die. Gustavo is the only opinion I care about. and if he's pissed off and doesnt want to date me anymore because of it. well then i dont deserve such a shallow guy. I dont think that will happen , but if it does oh well. Here in America we believe in freedom of speech. I'm going to use my freedom to share my happiness on my blog about the little things. If his parents dont like that then too bad. They should trust their son more. if they dont know he is dedicated to his mission then that's not my problem. I've done nothing to distract him from it since he left. all i've ever done is hurt when he hurts , rejoice when he does. And if that's wrong , then i dont want to be right.

THE END!!!

This picture

this picture was taken by me last year on Gustavo's birthday. I made the cake.

Happy birthday

Guess who's happy birthday it is!!!! not mine. sorry
It's GUSTAVO'S he's turned the big 21 !!
We're both having a bittersweet birthday.
Not only is it his birthday , but it's our year and a half anniversary!!
We are pretty thrilled. It's just a bittersweet day all around.
He's gone , and we are FAR FAR away from each other. ( across the country is far right?)
Anyways , not only that , but one of my good friends at cfa is leaving. I guess she got another job. anyways i'm gonna take a nap now. I'm exhausted from my exciting day . I'll probably be up all night though. That's a boo factor. oh well. latah .

Because i'm not ready for the loneliness and nightmares to set in yet.

I should go to bed. I am absolutely certain that nightmares will be soon to come as soon as i shut my eyes. I also know that I will become even more lonely than I already am.

Tonight is one of those nights where i cant stand the pain as well as i usually do. I'm alone and there is nobody in the world who cares. it's hard to deal with life. i can feel the depression setting in. it's so tangible. it's like a blanket covering my entire body. my aura. and as bad as it sounds , i dont want it to go away just yet. because the pain lets me know i'm alive. breathing. and honestly. I just want to feel this way for a little bit. for a time i just want to feel sorry for myself. sorry that everything i've ever lived for is gone. slowly fading away.

I'm miserable.

I want a puppy

I really want a puppy. I'm thinking if Gustavo had given me a puppy before he left , i'd be alot less lonely. I want a puppy. any puppy will do. I do not feel good at all. the end.

I only work 5 hours tomorrow. I'm pretty exctied about it.

Shopping on Saturday with the bestie.
I see a new look coming out for me . I can't describe it , so i'll take pictures later. when I have more clothes for my new look. maybe i'll get my hair cut. maybe. probably not though. but i just saw pictures of my hair when it was shorter out in utah. it was totally a cute hair do.

tonight there's a gang initiation at wal-mart. 3 women are supposed to get shot. guess where i Didnt go tonight. anyways. I'm going to attempt... how in the heck do you spell that?!?! to sleep.

Peace out boy scout.

I think i did another dumb thing

I'm too lazy to check this right now , but I think I might've totally written all over an envelope i need to send in the mail. Quite dumb really. I'll check later. If that's the case i'll make a quick stop by walmart , which i need to do anyways. Lol. Birthdays are crazy. When Gustavo and I get married for his birthday i'll be like we're going shopping tonight and you can pick out your present. the end. he can do the same with me.

I'm in kind of alot of pain. I'm on meds now. like 4 different kinds. Advil, tums, Some kind of allergy medicine... and another one , but i forgot what all i took at work. it's all finally kicking in. I'm numbing up. lol. basically what happened is every time i swallow , i feel like i'm swallowing a brick. my ears are so plugged up i can barely hear anything. and i have killer stomach pains that are making me double over into a little fetal position.

I'm going to take another bad nap today i think. yes. i dont even care anymore. i'll catch up on friday. so yeah. night.

Why couldnt today be monday?

I feel absolutely rotten. My throat is killing me , along with my ear. booo. I just want my Carlitos to be home. man. i'm almost to the one year mark. almost. 5 months away from it. 4 and a half really... ok. i've just got to focus. i mean i'm focused, but i hurt so much and i REALLY dont feel good. lol. Now that i think about it. this may sound really gross, lol but Gustavo is the only Boyfriend i've thrown up in front of... and he was really good about it too. well he seemed really good about it. I guess it could've completely grossed him out, but he was a major help. heh. I miss him. ok. focus. 2 weeks and we're down to four months until one year... ok. I'm feeling emotionally better. sorta. just physically i'm in pain. WAAAAAHHHHH. ok tears. I guess i'm done complaining on here. tomorrow is wednesday my 9 hour shift. and the middle of the week. the rest of the week is easy shifts, then i'll be on to a new week. ok. I can do this. I really can! LOVE YA'LL

Green Ice Cream

My Work made Green Ice Cream in honor of St. Patricks Day. It was delicous..however that's spelled. MMM green ice cream is way better than white ice cream. BY FAR. haha i love it.

This is the month i hate to love.

No seriously this could possibly be the worst month in my relationship every year. Not for a bad reason even. It's just that Gustavo's birthday and our anniversary is on the same day. That means all the attention and stuff for us gets directed to him. I don't mind this. It's coming out wrong. I'm tired. I just think we could've picked a better date to start dating... lol. I wish my birthday fell on our anniversary . plus that means I have to buy double the cards and gifts. lol. anyways. i'm tired i'm gonna sneak in a quick nap. yup.
Chau

Sometimes i'm dumb.

I'll admit it.
Today my manager walked up to me and was like You come in at 7 tomorrow right?
I say yes.
He then asked if I could be at work at 6.
I panicked...and said sure!

I'm dumb. Little did i realize this means the not morning person me has to wake up at 5:30.

That was dumb. not only that , but that would make my day tomorrow a ten hour shift. that shouldnt even be legal lol. oh well at least i'm getting paid.

I think to myself to convince me it's all good : think bigger picture.
It's my new motto : think bigger picture.
It reminds me that i'm not doing it because I love my job , but that i'm doing it because eventually it will turn into something SOOO much better. That makes it all worth it. when I remember why I agree to do things like this , I figure it's not so bad. If it means i'll be able to afford to do things that will be good for my life in the VERY near future, then that makes it completely worth it. all the tears and blood and sweat. they become worth it.
Maybe , just maybe that's what life is all about . the blood , tears , sweat... Maybe life is about the bigger picture. Maybe when christ was atoneing for all the worlds sins he thought. Think big picture. Maybe that helped him through. Maybe we should all think that when life gets rough.
Wow... I'm a deep thinker when i'm extremely tired. I wish i was like that all the time lol
Night everyone. I have to get up way early to put in a piece of the "big picture"

My life is at a stand-still

I am probably the most impatient person to ever walk the earth. Those of you who know me REALLY well would agree with me too. Gustavo's mission seems to be lasting FOREVER. I'm just so tired of him not being here. I am 100% certain that my life would be 10 times better if he were back and in my arms. I feel like for every day that passes I have to wait 10 billion more. I'm really hot so that may be making me cranky too. I'm just tired of having all these day dreams of what life together will be like. I'm tired of imagining what our kids will be and what they'll look like and what we'll name them. I just want to be his wife already!!! I know it will be harder than I can even imagine , but I think it's totally worth it! gosh darn it. sooo.... que pasa?!

In other news... I just read Rikki's blog entry of the day... she was explaining how she kept getting nauseous on this yurt trip they took. yeah I'm feeling way nauseous now. I think i'm having sympathy sickness. ew.

I'm going to try and sleep now. In my hot bedroom. With my gross upset stomach. BLEH.

hey HEY!!!

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN GEORGIA!!
I'M IN LOVE WITH THE WEATHER!!!
haha and I get to babysit the cutest kids EVER tonight.
The last time I babysat them Carlitos was with me!!

I'm skipping stake conference.

Brett's coming home today.

I'M TIRED.
I rocked the house at work today. Life is GREAT
tell all your friends!

BYE

why do i have so many bleh posts?

Actually this is probably only numero 2 but i figure whatever.
I feel funny , i'm tired..I really want to complain and brag all at the same time. so i guess i'll just say what i always say

I LOVE MY GUSTAVO.

I swear i love him more and more each and every day. oh goodness. I feel like I know him so well. Yet it feels like i could never know everything about him. I feel like ...there is always going to be something new to learn about him. I think Will ask him more questions. because i still have no idea about a few things. anyways i have to get to bed.

chau