Realize.

Today I realized I set A LOT of high expectations for myself. Unbelivelbly high expectations that are mostly unattainable. Then when I fall short of these expectations , I beat myself up about it. So work gets very hard on days like today. when EVERYBODY I work with has gotten very little sleep , and are kinda short fused. I think we all held it together pretty well ...Until the end. By the end of all our shifts, we were so gone. especially me. mostly me actually. I wont go into details, but it got rough. out of all this i've gotten so much. Kevin told me that if I ever needed to know how i was doing and what i could improve on i could just ask him. and he'd let me know and help me get started on that. so that's nice. And probably the best thing i learned today is that i'm not letting Doug down. and that's important because He's like another father figure in my life. I look up to him. So i'm glad i havent let him down . I hope i never do.

On the downside of today... I dont think i've gotten a letter from gustavo in like 2 weeks. no wait i got one on monday. i think. but still. I miss him. and his letters.I mean i'm not one to say anything because i have trouble getting things mailed off to him on time ... but when i do manage to get them mailed off i believe what i send him is pretty awesome. He can correct me if im wrong. but still....gah. I miss him. he needs to come back in ...soon. yup ok nap. bye