Guess I've lost parental approval...

Gustavo's parents dont want us dating while he's on his mission i'm guessing. and my parents agree... sort of. So i guess i should just break up with him. I cant do it though. I can't put myself through the pain . If it needs to end , Gustavo is going to have to do it. Because I cant do it. not to myself. Only our friends want us together apparantly. I'm so over everything. I just want it all to end. EVERYTHING. gah.

I love you babe..

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control."

- Unknown

Gustavo + Afton = LOVE
Te amo mi vida..

And P.S!!

All I could really use right now ,are some flowers and a hug. now i'm done

One of THOSE days...

Ok I had one of those days. you know. the days where everything is going wrong and you just dont care what people think anymore. Yeah that's my day. So... I wake up , go to work. everything is good. so far. We get backed up in drive thru. My boss yells at me and tells me that it's my fault pretty much... ( his dad keeps apologizing. apparantly he could tell that i was near tears.) then...I finally get off work. see letters from Gustavo and i'm like yes. something good to look forward to. The letters were amazing for the most part. I loved the pictures too. Got much needed laughs out of those. Then i read that his parents read my blog. not a big deal. read all you want. BUT.... his dad lectures him about focusing on his mission and not on me. his dad is afraid that Gustavo wont focus on his mission . All because of me. and this is just because he called me on christmas and didnt tell them. THIS post might offend him and his parents, but you know what i just DONT CARE anymore. not today. I've had a rough day and that just topped it all off. I dont care. Gustavo told me to watch what i write on here, but you know what?!?! IT'S MY BLOG!!! IF YOU DONT LIKE WHAT YOU READ, THEN DONT READ IT!!! I CAN AND WILL WRITE WHATEVER I SO CHOOSE. If his parents dont like me anymore , oh well it's not their opinion that matters to me. Sure them liking me helps A LOT. but if they dont , i wont die. Gustavo is the only opinion I care about. and if he's pissed off and doesnt want to date me anymore because of it. well then i dont deserve such a shallow guy. I dont think that will happen , but if it does oh well. Here in America we believe in freedom of speech. I'm going to use my freedom to share my happiness on my blog about the little things. If his parents dont like that then too bad. They should trust their son more. if they dont know he is dedicated to his mission then that's not my problem. I've done nothing to distract him from it since he left. all i've ever done is hurt when he hurts , rejoice when he does. And if that's wrong , then i dont want to be right.

THE END!!!

This picture

this picture was taken by me last year on Gustavo's birthday. I made the cake.

Happy birthday

Guess who's happy birthday it is!!!! not mine. sorry
It's GUSTAVO'S he's turned the big 21 !!
We're both having a bittersweet birthday.
Not only is it his birthday , but it's our year and a half anniversary!!
We are pretty thrilled. It's just a bittersweet day all around.
He's gone , and we are FAR FAR away from each other. ( across the country is far right?)
Anyways , not only that , but one of my good friends at cfa is leaving. I guess she got another job. anyways i'm gonna take a nap now. I'm exhausted from my exciting day . I'll probably be up all night though. That's a boo factor. oh well. latah .

Because i'm not ready for the loneliness and nightmares to set in yet.

I should go to bed. I am absolutely certain that nightmares will be soon to come as soon as i shut my eyes. I also know that I will become even more lonely than I already am.

Tonight is one of those nights where i cant stand the pain as well as i usually do. I'm alone and there is nobody in the world who cares. it's hard to deal with life. i can feel the depression setting in. it's so tangible. it's like a blanket covering my entire body. my aura. and as bad as it sounds , i dont want it to go away just yet. because the pain lets me know i'm alive. breathing. and honestly. I just want to feel this way for a little bit. for a time i just want to feel sorry for myself. sorry that everything i've ever lived for is gone. slowly fading away.

I'm miserable.