sick and tired.

I my friends am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I work all the time and get nothing but upset questions from my boss as to why sales aren't where they should be for the shifts I don't work. I'm tired of having to watch everything I do and say so that I don't piss of my roommate. She's the one who wanted me out here in the first place. I was slowly thinking I might be starting to belong and now 2 weeks later I walked into my bedroom tonight and realized I was so wrong. I don't belong here. I'm so out of place. Am I supposed to be here right now ? Yes I don't doubt that in the least. But do I belong here? No. Not at all. But at the same time I don't belong in Georgia either. The life I was living back there was not a good life for me. I hate to conform, but I have to state the obvious. I've made better choices out here in Utah than I ever did in Georgia. In that way moving here was the best desicion I ever made. I'm not happy though. Not completely. I miss my family. I actually miss my dad walking to each of our doors at 4:30 calling our names and letting us know it was time for family prayer. I miss the way I felt safe and protected when he was around. I miss my mom. So much. I miss her food. I miss her laugh. I miss having her around to tell me how stupid boys are. I miss my Brett. I miss her coming home from school and telling us all of her good stories. I really miss her doing my nails. I miss playing wackee six with her and Colby till early in the morning. I miss Colby too. The way she could sing chunky from madagascar 2 like no other. I miss seeing her walking around in her boots and john deere hat. I miss planning to start a country group with my sisters. They're my best friends. I miss the dumb dog that kept me awake all night whining. I miss my car... I miss pie pie. I miss my box of gustavo's stuff he sent me over the last 2 years. Really I just miss him. I feel like I'm stuck in some nightmare that I can't wake up from. People always say eternity is a long time to spend with someone, but truthfully I can't think of anyone else I would even want to spend eternity with. - want to be with my family for eternity. Because living without them is the worst. I know it was time for me to grow up and move out, and I knew it would be hard. I just didn't think it would be this hard. I think maybe that's the reason I'm having such a hard time adjusting or whatever. I'm super homesick and I don't feel like I belong. I don't really belong anywhere right now. I'm in no mans land... Where I'm kind of an easy target. So I think... As of right now I'm going to adopt this quote into my life " stand for something, or you'll fall for anything" I'm also going to actively try to be happier and not let things or people get me down. I'm a daughter of God. He wants me to be happy and I deserve to be happy. I need to stop caring what other people think of me, because their opinions don't matter. My goal is to live with my heavenly father. And starting now, I'm going to do all I can to make him proud of me. I'll do all I can to be with him again. That doesn't mean I'm going to be perfect. I'm going to mess up. This just means that when I do mess up I won't give up. I'll just learn from it and move on. I'll make my family proud. I'm going to start living to make me happy. I'm not going to live to make everyone else happy. And this post probably comes off as bipolar. But that's ok.