Why does everything good come from things that hurt so bad ?

For example...babies. The cutest things on the planet...new lives. and yet they only come after women spend 9 months and hours in labor to get them there.

Marriage. epescially me and Gustavo's ... it will probably be the best ever , but it's only going to come after all our little fights over nothing ,and a two year mission..

and MY personal FAVORITE... fit , healthy bodies... those only come after exercise and eating right and what not. it just hurts...and i dont understand why good things cant come easy and bad things cant come from harder things.

It's crazy expensive to be married...which sucks

Now i realize i'm not married , so i dont even get half of how expensive it is , but i was looking and doing some research...on stuff i want for my new house.. ( I'm a firm believer in if you dont get what you want in your house yourself...people getting it as a wedding gift are going to mess it up somehow.) anyways and it's crazy expensive...and i compared like crazy and realized that wal-mart is right, they are pretty darn cheap. If i got everything at the cheapest price at wal-mart. that still looks classy , my living room would cost 1201.00 dollars , and the bedroom minus a mattress would cost 452.00 dang... i saw a HOUSE for sale because of foreclosures CHEAPER than that!!! ( that being the combined price of the two rooms = 1653.00) this is so dumb. i mean dont get me wrong if i waited till next year ( which i am) i could totally afford that no problem. but it's just lame. ya know ?

My life would suck without you- Kelly Clarkson...

Guess this means you’re sorry
You’re standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
What you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you’d never come back
But here you are again
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for tryin’ to pick a fight
I know that I’ve got issues
But you’re pretty messed up too
Anyway, I found out I’m nothing without you
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
Being with you is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn’t miss you, but I can’t let go
Oh yeah
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you

late night ponderings...

So I've been thinking. as much as I wanted Gustavo home from his mission before , I just get the feeling that he might actually be coming home from his mission because of his leg. I'm not gettin my hopes up because like my mom said " you're a newberry , and newberrys never get what they want." I just even had a dream about it , and i dunno . I just dont know what to think anymore. I think i've just reached the point where i dont care either way. It's not like i could marry him right away if he did come home. It'd be at least August or September of this year before i could even AFFORD to marry him. but him coming home would be the solution to ALL of my problems...I hate to put it that way but it would be. for example. My mom wants me in my own apartment by my birthday... Gustavo coming home would fix that. I want my friend Liz to be one of my bridesmaids...she wants to go on her mission , she would leave sometime in the fall of this year. Gustavo coming home would fix THAT!!! there is another example , but I think we'll settle for two. So you see how that would fix everything? But even I know by now that the Lord is NOT going to just hand me the most convenient option. :( so we'll just see what happens and continue dreaming that he comes home. Because i cant feel guilty about dreams. :D

I've decided i'm a terrible Girlfriend

Yes, i am, i am I AM!!
I got Gustavo's letter today:)
I read on the second page that he had a dr. appointment that week and that if he had to get an MRA to see what happened to his Ligaments, if he needed surgery his Mission Prez would send him home Honorably for Health issues...what do i think right the second i read this ? PLEASE let him need surgery. i mean being the somewhat selfish person I am and with the current issue i have of my own , this was like the perfect solution in my mind :) of course i felt extremely AWFUL after thinking this because my Carlitos LOVES being on his mission ,and as selfish as i am , i REALLY dont want him to be sent home from something he loves almost more than me :) so again i have resolved i'm pretty much the worst girlfriend ever. I told my dad about this , and he's like well you want him home because you love him and want to be with him . but he was also like at this age though, if he needed surgery , his knee will never be the same. so i'm sad. the end

I absolutely love them.

This January has brought a mixture of feelings. both sad and happy. This January we lost almost all our nursery to sunbeams. While i'm sad to see all those kids Grow up and move on in the gospel i kind of miss the Drama and excitement and just EVERYTHING those kids brought to nursery. We now have on a good day when all the kids show up 4 little 2 year olds. we went from 12 kids in nursery to 4. it's really weird and can become quite boring. there are 4 kids and i will try to post pictures later but no promises. The oldest is Claire. then probably Alana , Ashlynn , then Christian. 3 cute little girls and one ADORABLE boy. Today was a not bad day per se, but definatly our smallest day yet. We had 2 girls. Ashlynn and Alana. They are both super cute girls and have discovered new things today..THEY SPEAK!! those girls especially Alana who i had NEVER heard talk before , were just gabbing away. and during singing time they were so cute!!Ashlynn is cute in so many ways . she has that face where you cant help but to love her. she also has no idea what to call us leaders in there so she just calls the two of us Mamma. It's so cute and i absolutely love that she does that. Alana is cute in she will just come up to you and lay her head on your lap and just cuddle with you. Anyways i just wanted to brag to everyone that my little nursery girls are growing up and talking now!!!