Today...

Today kinda. well , sucked. yep. I did NOT get a letter from Gustavo , so that upset me. Then my best friend decided to not hang out with me , which would have been an okay thing if she had just called me and told me she didnt want to , but no! she's all , yeah i'll call you tomorrow and let you know details, so all of us could hang out together. nope i dont get anything until 10 pm saying yeah i hung out with everybody , then went to the wedding reception of a person she doesnt even like. which is dumb. I knew she was with our friends and had stood me up because i called her house. She had told her mom i would be there too. I deff wasnt. It ticks me off because she is ALWAYS doing this to me. Always. grrr. I'm done with it. after 9:45 my day got better, Colby and I went bowling, came home and played wackee six with B-rett and Robby bobby. then just chilled. It's now one am. i'm going to bed in a few seconds. Love you bye.

Laugh

That's all I really want to do right now, laugh. It's so much fun! gahhh.... May is ALMOST over which means it's almost June, which means It's allmost July , WHICH means it's alllmost AUGUST!! I'll be 21 and Gus will have been out a year. ( oh yeah Gustavo I know that you know my mom and Brett call you Gus, but I dont think that I've told you the nickname has stuck and now everyone , including myself :( is calling you Gus. well everyone in my immediate family that is. I think it's kinda catchy dont you?) yes. I'm ready for this year to be over. I'm just done with this year. even though it has gone by rather quickly . I could've sworn just yesterday I was With Ginny and Jessica for New Years. but no, just yesterday i was off of work just chillaxing with my mamma and daddy. yes. I love Laughing...

I cant sleep.

I blame my insomnia on the fact that I took a nap today and the fact that I drank half of an energy drink an hour before bed. I'm calling it my dumb move of the day. seriously. I love sleeping and therefore hate it when I can't sleep. NEVER again will I drink an energy drink an hour before bed. I can sleep after a nap , but topping a nap with an energy drink i should've known would be dumb. LAMMMMEEEEE. anywho, i'd write gustavo ,but it's dark in my room. I'd also journal ,but again it's dark in my room. I have to be up in 4 and a half hours ... and i'm WIDE AWAKE. GRRR. sometimes i'm dumb.

You know what I dont get?

I don't get the purpose of 1st birthday parties. Like seriously your kid is turning one. they don't know how old they're turning, and they certianly have no clue what all the fuss is about. All they know is they're getting loads of attention and lots of toys. I swear my kids are NOT going to have a first birthday party. They can have one when they are 2 and actually have friends. from then on sure kids have a party. Until you're 2 you'll just have to put up with mommy , daddy, and maybe the grandparents having a small family get together in your honor.

I laugh

So, I have this uncanny ability to clean my room to perfection. Then not 5 minutes later it will look almost exactly like it did before I cleaned it. I cleaned my room on monday i think? It's now wednesday and my room is kinda messy. not as messy though. at least you can see the floor now. Before I cleaned it i think it would be safe to have called it a fire hazard. but i cleaned it, because frankly it was starting to bother me.I hate messes. i'm sure if i had the time ...nevermind. that's not really a liable excuse. anyways. sooo. Yup. friday dancing love it. YAY. ok i'm done. lol. I'm really bored too. maybe i'll go browse the walmart website and long for Items for my future home. it's my favorite way to pass time.

Oh i forgot

I forgot to let ya'll know of my new goals

A) I want to weigh 112 by the end of the year , and keep it off
B) I want my wedding dress to be a size 2. I'd say one but i think i'll be lucky to fit into a size 2 because i have the biggest ..chest... on the planet.

I'll post up my current weight tomorrow and every wednesday i'll update my progress :) yay. it will take hard work and lots of motivation, but i'm pretty sure i can do it!!!

Ok here goes...

This is what was going on Sunday. I was having one of my... withdrawel days. After talking to a good friend Aubrey, I worked it all out. I really do love Gustavo. I can't picture life without him. I guess what's happening is I've never been in a relationship this long.Also my sisters and I arent really known for commitment , we're known for flirting. lol . But... It seems that we've broken a trend. Brett is finally in a relationship ( we never expected that) and has been for almost 3 months. It's amazing. this is the girl who taught ME how to flirt. She's that good. but she's in a relationship , and although she wont say it out loud until he says it first ( you go girl!) she loves him. Me? I've been in the longest relationship i've ever been in. almost 2 years!!! I think it scares me too. I've never been with a guy who simply wants to be with me. I'm not used to this. I think the fact that i am going to be with him for the rest of my life scares me. no , i'm looking forward to it. I'm just scared of the unknown. I dont know what life has in store for us and it scares me. I dont know if we'll be good parents. i dont know how we'll handle actual married life. when you're dating it's different. You're still trying to win the person, you want to make sure they want to keep you. after that... well you've got them. the little details dont matter to you as much anymore. anyways. that's what was going on. I'm ok now. I realize that as scarey as it is , he's probably just as scared , but we'll have each other to lean on during the tough times. And Gustavo... I promise that i'll remember the little things. that way we'll always love each other. And we'll make everyday an adventure... it will be exciting and unexpected. it will be fun. that's my promise to you!!!

These emotions are NEVER new.

I want to blog, but dont. I have so many emotions running through me right now.
I loved hearing from Gustavo today...yet...part of me wonders if we really will make it. I feel like .I dont know. we're perfect for each other , but i honestly dunno. It seems almost too perfect to be real. and I wonder if... I dont know. I'll let you completely know when i do. sorry :(