Sometimes I'm mean...

Sometimes when I haven't slept all day(on purpose) , and haven't eaten all day ( not on purpose)I get mean. I also am very stubborn... and sometimes , Gregg gets the bad end of it. Poor guy. I kinda got crazy ridiculous mean to him today. Don't worry I apologized like a billion times , and bought him dinner from Taco Bell. Then after he made sure I wasn't going to suffer from hypothermia we kissed and made up. That's why i'm so lucky to have a level-headed man in my life. It's also why I need to fix my attitude and problems with sleep, eating , stubborn , crazy...whatever else , if I want to keep said love of my life IN my life. It's just it's snowing, and Icy and... bad. Today just was NOT a good day for me to try and have a love life. For the record...well never mind. There is no record. I'm debating making Hot Chocolate at 4:33 am or if i should just be quiet and sit in my room. hmmmmm.... oh well. I really don't have much to say. I just want to inform everyone. If i'm lacking sleep , and haven't eaten all day and you know it... shove food in my mouth and send me to bed. DO NOT LET ME OUT !! It's crucial to all relationships whether it be friends , boyfriends , parents , relatives of any sort, that I just stay in there for about oh 8 hours. If you want a happy well rested me.

Trying sooo hardd

So my sleepy time schedule has been a little off lately , so i decided that i was going to sleep ALLLLLLL day today and stay awake all day tomorrow that way by tomorrow night I would be sleepy. let me just inform you that for the most part that worked out wonderfully. I slept in till 5pm. I took a shower... ate some cake... now i'm sleepy again. So i'm going to go get a dr.pepper. or try to at least. Greggory is at home and scared the goodness out of me because he's just that cool. anyways, i'm gonna go make some chili dogs. that way next year when gregg and I decide to work out together , I can not be so sad about having to give up every good food all in the name of weight loss and healthy living.

Just that cute!!!

Hi friends !!!

I just wanted to let you know that I am one of those people who stalks their own blog.Because it is just too darn cute. I'm not just being stuck up. I showed it to Gregg yesterday and he agreed . I have an ADORABLE blog. Gregg also noted how Hottt he looks in black and white. I am currently sitting in bed , blogging and enjoying the Deer jerky from the deer my sister (colby) Shot. It's probably a good thing it got put in my fridge and I forgot about it until today , because it is DELICIOUS. Good job sister. Other than that...hmmmm. My Greggory is leaving me tomorrow to get new tires. I seriously wish that it wouldn't get cancelled again so we can hang out. I'm also trying to convince him to take me to the zoo on Wednesday because it's FREE ADMISSION day !! for everyone. I for one DO NOT want to miss out on some serious zoo time! I love the zoo.I think i'm gonna try to save Gregg a free spicy chicken Biscuit from CFA , because we love us some CFA!!!okay peace out folks

I will not...

I WILL NOT CRY OVER MY FAMILY LEAVING , I WILL NOT CRY OVER MY FAMILY LEAVING , I WILL NOT CRY OVER MY FAMILY LEAVING.... oh shoot.

I PROMISE

So , for the record , I blogged Thursday night. It didn't post , and I don't feel like redo-ing it. This post is just me promising that i'll get around to blogging tomorrow while i'm over at my besties house playing LEGOS !!! Oh and PS. Merry Christmas.

hoo ha !!

Guess who can't wait to get her new laptop from mommy and daddy ?!?! ME !!! Good Guess friends !! Wanna know how my day was ? Oh you do ? That's actually why you read my blog ?? ( now guess who just spelled blog wrong twice before getting it right ) Well since knowing how my day went is the only reason ya'll creep on my blog (JK) , I will tell you how it went. I woke up to a phone call from a lady who was supposed to call me back but never did... I'll call her back later. Anyways, it was almost time for Gregg to come over, so I got up and , okay I didn't get dressed, but oh well. It was saturday and I had no plans. Okay so Gregg shoots me a txt saying one of the guys he takes care of died. Yeah it was legit. So he gets stuck at work for 2 more hours. I really felt bad because Gregg was the only one working , and thus was the one who found him. I would be FREAKED. My brave man stayed cool though ( from the way he tells the story) and called 911 and went laid the guy down ( did I mention he is BRAVE ?! ) by that time the paramedics showed up, hooked him to the defib...thingy. ( i'm not quite sure how to spell that. ) he admitted that after he had to walk around the body in the living room that he was SO over being at work. They finally let him go home and he just left all his stuff there and came over. Good thing through all the drama of Greggs day ?! I got a super cuddly boyfriend. I asked him if he wanted to get his stuff , he said, "not until ------'s body is gone. It's freaking me out" I can't say I blame him. I would be a mess. And would need the next month off, and probably some therapy too. ( have I ever mentioned that dead people TERRIFY me ? They do. ) So then we went and got mountain dew. And KFC . ( i'm guessing this is his comfort food because it was the only thing he wanted to eat, and he got 2 chocolate bars too.) then we sat at his place eating KFC and watching Simpsons. Then we looked at travel locations, that we realize we'll never be able to go to. Sad. Anyways. That was MY day. DONE !! Love ya'll ! Stay classy !

OH MY GAWSH!!!

Dear Brett, i'm slightly saddened by the fact that you didn't tell me about that girl Sydney and her adorable blog. I spent roughly 3 hours reading it today. Seriously. That was not cool sister...not cool at all.

-for everyone else, seriously you should go check her blog out. I follow her. It's called The Daybook. If I was cool and knew how to link you to it I would, but i'm not that blog savvy. She's got excellent style, her and her hubby are fantastic photographers, and when I grow up i'm gonna dress just like her and make Gregg do cute things for me like her husband does for her! ( let's be honest with ourselves people. Raise your hand if you ACTUALLY believe Gregg and I won't end up together. What is that ? No hands raised? I figured as much..) moving on...

Today, Gregg came over and we (meaning I ) ate pizza. Then the real we went over to greggs to get his stuff for work. On the way Gregg decided to surprise me with a trip to sonic to get Strawberry Dr. Pappers. If you've never had one of these , shame on you. Come talk to me and we'll fix that right away. It's a lifechanging experience. Ask Gregg. Possibly TJ too. Then Gregg took us on a dark, snowy, icy road adventure. In his defense it wasn't his fault he got lost at 10:30 pm on icy roads because of the snow. Needless to say it took us half an hour to get to his apt. We got his stuff, talked to TJ for a bit then headed back to my place / work. Then I decided to blog stalk people. Because i'm cool like that. Anyways, i'll be starting a new blog soon hopefully. Don't worry, i'll give you all the sweet new blog details. Until then just keep stalking me at this location. Stay classy friends :)

Frustrated

hey ya'll...i have been SUPER happy lately. I am in love with Gregg Brinkerhoff. Which really should sum just about everything up. Why am I frustrated you may ask? Well, it's because for one , it snowed last night. You may ask why I moved to Utah? I really don't know other than the idea that it must've been a heavenly intervention to get me where I need to be to meet Gregg. For second... I have a really bad cold/potential ear infection. Which means no work. Which means no money, which means I have to look even harder for a second job. I'm shooting for retail. I love working retail. Seriously. For three...well I can't go into number 3 because I promised I wouldn't tell anyone of the prolouge to the story until it happened so ya'll, like me, get to wait. Trust me it's a good and sadly frustrating story all at the same time. Literally. I'm excited and frustrated. Oh and Gregg is going home till friday morning, which makes me sad. I'm glad he gets to see his family, don't get me wrong, but I want him too. Can I just say how CUTE Rikki's baby Henry is ??? I want one as cute as him someday. I would also like to say that tonight... Well last night technically, Gregg and I made sugar cookies. Except for Gregg got a little cookie dough happy and ate like ... I'm not good at math. We'll just say he ate more dough than he meant to, then put what he couldn't eat in my mouth. While I still had some ceasar salad in there I might add. I promise it does NOT taste good. AT ALL. Anyways, he finally put some onto the pan, but he made them too big , so they all melted into one big one. Anyways i'l let ya'll go. Peace & Love !!

Touchdown, Turn around ...

So I only partly know where the blog title came from. Which is the fact that I was thinking how much my life has turned around since last November. There were certain events in my life that made me decide it was time for a change. I made that change , and the road to recovery has been tough. Moral of the story is : Next Sunday , the 19th , I get my temple recommend back. After 13 months of hard work , this is a HUGE deal for me. The road ahead isn't going to be an easy one , but I KNOW it will be worth it. Today I colored my hair. It's a pretty light brown color now that matches my eyes. I will take pictures and update ASAP. We'll also see if I can get Gregg to go on a photo shoot with me. fingers crossed. In 10 days my family will be here , which I can't wait for. Well it's really hard anyways. well i'm gonna bounce. peace out my friends. Stay Classy !

Hermit

sometimes I wish I could lock myself in my room, turn off my phone, and not talk to anybody. Ever. If I won the lottery I would just do that. Honest. My bishop, mother, boyfriend, all think I need therapy. My father and best friend think I should go because it wouldn't hurt to go and learn something , or prove to everyone who thinks I do need therapy that I don't. I feel so confused lately and i'm tired all the time and I just want life to slow down. Give me time to get my head above the water and breathe. Done. Aside from gregg and work, i'm being a hermit.

For Daddy

Dear Dad,
Remember that one time when you were going to get rich by making storage/ tool boxes for the beds of trucks? I do , and guess what ?! I learned how to do that yesterday while watching HGTV. Just thought i'd let you know.
Love Afton.

oh ps friends. Today Ginny and I are watching Chris Pine in Unstopppable.

weekend from horrid town

so first off I wanted to point out that my post titled sushi was supposed to mention how Gregg and I went out to sushi for lunch , and how it was incredibly delicious. This post however is about how much i've hated this weekend. Now I realize how i've already complained to Gregg but I really think everyone should listen to me vent. Let's get started with Thursday. My boss tells me we won't be working for the next few weeks or until the beginning of next year so i'm freaking out. Then gregg and I go to sushi. Boss texts me back saying that we actually are working and to come in on monday. Then everything just pretty much goes down hill. I end up doing ALL our dishes literally , because my roommates think it's cute to let the dishes and the trash pile up until the whole kitchen smells. Whatever . I go to bed and friday rolls around. Sleep in then ginny comes. That's good because she drove me around I got cleaning stuff and a few groceries. Meaning bread. Then we come home and start watching True Blood. I'm addicted. Literally. We stayed up all night giggling like little girls. We got up at 7 and got french toast. All you can eat. Then we fell asleep. For 3 hours. Until we woke up to my roommate complaining and a HORRIBLE smell taking over our apt. Now this happens to be the same smell that has been around since thurs. So ginny goes home and guess who cleans the smell out ? Me! That's right. Because all I ever do is clean. Then I decide to take something that belongs to me back to my room. My roommates FLIP OUT ! Literally. I snapped at them and said "look it belongs to me ! I bought it ! I do NOT need to ask your permission to take it back to my room. " so they just start complaining to each other. At this point i'm furious because even though 4 of us live here i'm the only one who cleans. And my one roommate is in denial to the fact that the microwave is her fault and the other just doesn't do anything. And they ALL claim that they clean when in reality it's mostly me and occasionally Tara. So basically i'm tired of being unappreciated and getting walked all over. So i'm adopting Ginnys rulebook. Rule number one being gregg and I are number one. Our families coming in at a tie. If that means I have to be mean and stingy fine. I don't care. If that means I only do my dishes cool. But i'm done.

Sushi

I feel like I should post something epically awesome , but my life just isn't that exciting. Hopefully with the coming year I will have more exciting news , but that's next year, not today. It's almost 4 am. I can't sleep. Well i'm sure I could , but I just wanna eat. Soup ??? Cereal ?? Probably cereal. even though I want soup. meh. Anyways. yeah... Christmas and my Parents are coming in roughly 20 days. I'M SO EXCITED!!!! I'm miserable about not being able to spend it with Gregg , but I'm totally psyched to see my family again. I haven't seen my sisters since May and my mommy and daddy since August. I'M SO EXCITED!!! So I rearranged my bedroom , our Christmas tree is up . we even have paper snowflakes on the wall and lights in our kitchen window. YAY!!! now to go eat some cereal... or chocolate...

Dear Life

Dear Life ,

Thanks for rocking so much. You've given me a GREAT boyfriend , well I suppose the Lord has done all of this for me but just the same... You've given me a Wonderful family. Lots of fantastic Adopted relatives. ( only some of which know I've adopted them into my family) You've given me great friends. You've decided to bless me with cold weather too , which i'm not entirely thankful for but it gives me an excuse to snuggle up with Gregg and watch movies... Not that I need an excuse for that but just the same. What else? Oh I get to go to Gregg's house for Thanksgiving. That's awesome. Thanks for making me a great cook. That way Gregg will always love me.
Love Afton

Dear Friends...
I promise I will post a different picture later. One of me and Gregg. It will be good. I promise. I like to change things up a bit. every now and then. Oh and I've found a bunch of clothes I want from Victoria's Secret , so if anybody loves me enough to buy those for me just let me know and i'll send you pics of what I want. HAHA just kidding.... but really....
Love Afton
ps. the clothes are actually clothes and not underwear for those of you who I KNOW were probably thinking that....Brett... Mom....

Schoolwork

Afton has decided to go back to school, I'm gonna major in Arts and Visual Communication with an emphasis in photography. No seriously , that's what the major is called. I'm totally looking forward to finally doing something productive with my life. It's also something I completely enjoy so I can't wait to get that rolling. Anyways I am so happy for my two friend who've had their babies recently. To Rikki who had little baby Henry and to Cody whose wife had little baby Hilari. Sorry guys if I spelled the babies names wrong. Two November babies :) I can't wait to spend thanksgiving with Gregg. I also can't wait to spend my winter cuddled up to him :) I've also decided to take up scrap booking. Well I don't really have much else to talk about. So I guess i'll go. Have a fantastic dayyy

New Post....

I'm really lacking the creativity of coming up with clever titles for my blogs. I'm super sleepy too. Today was a rainy day and The computers were wigging out so they sent everyone home early. So you know what I did. I took some sleeping pills , curled up in my bed and slept till 6:30. I only woke up because I didn't want to not sleep tonight. Does that even make sense ? I don't know. That's how tired I am right now. Anyways , I figured I would just update everyone on my life. so yeah. the end. KBYE

Gah Lee

I've had that kind of week. Seriously. My work keeps moving me around which slightly bothers me. I can't complain though because I have a job. My bishop is a complete Jerk sometimes. I came out crying from his office on Wednesday and Gregg loved me enough to listen to me vent , Buy me Ice Cream and tell me he loved me. Then my bike was flat and stuff. I dunno.

But at the same time my life is completely rocking my socks off. I'll tell you more about that on another day. hmmm Right now i'm sitting blogging while Gregg tries to figure out the xbox so we can watch a movie. I'm really past caring right now. I kind of just want to cuddle him. oh well. I'm gonna go because I have nothing to talk about. yep. latah

BLOG.

So , I'm supposed to blog for Brett. So here it is. I just finished my second week of work. That's good news. I'm one of the awesome people which rocks. I've made 3 friends so that's pretty sweet. uh...I'm kinda in the middle of an old roommate mini reunion. It's fantastic. haha... Gregg and I are doing GREAT. Uhm I got moved at work AGAIN. so... yeah. other than that not much is going on. It's November which means Thanksgiving is near. anyways. I'll blog again later. too much going on.

Thankful

It's November and we all know that means THANKSGIVING.!!!
I will be spending this Thanksgiving alone. Which is completely lame if you ask me. But maybe I can make my own thanksgiving dinner ? I'm thinking about trying it out. I mean Ginny invited me to her house , and Gregg invited me to his , but I don't want to intrude on anyones Family Holiday. So maybe i'll just have my own thanksgivng. Anyways , In the spirit of Thanksgiving I just wanted to mention how grateful I am for everything I've been given. I've always been super blessed , but I suppose nobody really understands how blessed they really are until they've been through such hard times. I really have been blessed though.

I've been blessed with such a great family that loves me and is patient with me no matter what. I know they'll always be there for me and not everyone has that. So I'm super grateful I do.

I also have an extremely amazing boyfriend. Really I do. For Halloween he built his own costume. has he worn it yet ? No , but I will make him put it on for a second to take some pictures. He drives me around even though he doesn't have to. He even makes sure to ask me if I have food. Not that I would tell him if I didn't , but he looks out for me , and I really couldn't ask for more. He makes me a better person.

I'm so grateful to have the Gospel in my life. To know there is always somewhere for me to turn if i'm having trouble or something. I've been blessed with an amazing ward with amazing friends. I have a good job. Not one I like , but one that pays the bills. Barely. But it does. I have great managers and I haven't really encountered mean people yet. I get to sit down in comfy clothes and color and talk to friends all day..

I don't know if anybody else has felt this way , but when I go to the beach I stand near the water and think. This ocean is SO BIG. I'm so SMALL compared to it. It helps me realize how insignificant I really am in the grand scheme of things. Still the Lord loves and knows me . He hears my prayers and fulfills my needs. I don't know. This year has been EXTREMELY hard for me, but throughout all my trials , I've grown closer to my Heavenly Father and my family. I talk to my mother everyday. A few years ago I thought we would Never have that kind of relationship where I just couldn't go a day without talking to her.

I mean I can't complain , but this year was so extremely hard , but I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm so glad i've been through all this. I'm no where close to being done. I know it's still going to be rough for a while. Then i'll get married and it will continue to be hard, but I know I can do it now. I dunno. I'll end this freakishly long post with a quote.

"Recognize that there is a power greater than ours, that no matter how good a man is, he is not good enough, that no matter how wise he is, he is not wise enough, that no matter how strong he is, he is not strong enough for all of the things which he will face in life, and that there is a source of power to which he can go with the assurance that he will be listened to and that there will be a response."

Gordon B. Hinckley

~stay classy friends. :)

Happy Baby Day!!!

So my friend Rikki is having her baby today !! So I figured I'd do a little shout out to her. Hope everything goes smoothly. I can't wait for the day when I meet my hubby , marry him , and we decide to have little babies. It will be the best evahhh

Think Pink

So I loved my Pink Halloween costume so much , I decided to make my whole blog pink , and center it around my costume. Since I love this picture so much , It may stay up there... for a while. Meaning until I get a picture of Gregg and I that I just LOVE. So for everyones enjoyment ... Jamie , Gregg , and I all went to the Apt complex's Halloween party. Gregg bobbed for apples and got SOAKED.Then Gregg and I went head-to-head in a pie eating contest. Gregg won and got a little cocky , so I pied him in the face. ( and accidentally in the eyes...sorry) then we came home and got to work on his costume. It's gonna be epic. Pictures will follow after the holidays.In other news , I survived my first week of work. yeah it's crazy. Today they moved me to a different area though. That kind of stinks. For real. Anyway... I'm sleepy so i'm going to go to bed. Unless people decide they NEED to talk to me. So we'll see. Peace out Boy Scout!!!

Happy Birthday!!!

IT'S GREGG'S BIRTHDAY!! so happy birthday Gregg :) You're my favorite person ever !!!

In other news, it's 11 days until my most favorite holiday. HALLOWEEN. seriously I LOVE Halloween. who couldn't love a holiday filled with candy? I just don't know. I also had an interview on Tuesday and I will know if I have the job Thursday or Friday. I hope I get the job so I can stay out here and be with Gregg :)

I'm super tired. No joke. I'm afraid to go take a nap in fear of not being able to sleep for 23 hours again. So i'm sitting on facebook. bleh. Anyways , just wanted to do my quick birthday shout out :) LOVE YOU GREGG!!

Motivation

So a while ago I commented on my sisters blog then posted a blog of my own. Moral of this story is that after that my dad sent me a message on facebook. I've kept it. Why? Because whenever i'm feeling down or stressed , I read it and it makes me feel a lot better. It helps me keep going. and that my friends is my random second post of the day.

Life's not fair.

I'm not quite sure how many time's my mother has told me this in the last few weeks but it seemed almost over whelming last night. I had a lovely day yesterday. and i'll tell you why...

Yesterday morning I woke up and went with Jamie to her interview so she could interview and so I could apply for a job. After that we rode the bus home. Jamie hopeful that she would get a job , Me hopeful that I would get and interview , and both of us loving the beautiful weather the Lord sent our way. We got to our bus stop by our home and walked the rest of the way just chatting it up. Once we were home I ate a few bites of Chicken Noodle Soup , and took a nice...2 hour nap. The very second I woke up Gregg Knocked on my door. And gave me the sucky news. So after I got that (mostly) taken care of We went over to his apt for a while. He made some delicious , potato and brown mushroom gravy stuff that us poor college kids eat when we have no money because it fills you up. Sort of. Then we finished Star Wars II in our little star wars marathon.

After 2 episodes of Simpsons and like 10 min of another movie Gregg drove me home. Where I proceeded to break down. I had had it. I knew I had gotten myself into a very strenuous situation , but I just couldn't understand why the Lord couldn't help me get out of it. I couldn't understand why my life had to be so extremely hard. Which frankly in turn is kind of... testing my testimony. It's like when someone you know dies and you can't understand why the Lord just had to take them from you. It felt like that. Jamie and I were discussing how it's the feeling of not being able to go on.

Not the suicidal kind, the kind where you love life , but you just can't do it anymore. you can't take anymore of what life is dealing you. It seems like everyone in Provo is going through that right now. Not even kidding . I've heard this feeling from at LEAST 10 other people.

So after i'm sitting in Gregg's car bawling. He finally just hugs me and tells me everything will be all right. I've never been more grateful to him in my life. He knows me well enough to know exactly what to say. I know everything won't be all right , and He knows that I know that , but somehow when he says it I believe him . I'm glad he did say it , because it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. After that we came inside , built a quilt fort , his idea, because again he knows exactly what to do to make me feel better. And we laid under it and found the big and little dipper.

Then we hung out this morning. We watched the man in the mask , then picked up his check , got gas , went to Wendy's for lunch and had a blast. Got home and find out Jamie got the job so her hopeful came true , then found out I GOT AN INTERVIEW , so my hopeful came true and has been replaced with a new hopeful. Then I uploaded photos onto facebook. and now i'm writing to you. I'm stressed out , but at the same time i'm able to find peace among the crazy. I have Gregg and my parents to thank for that. Mostly Gregg though , because my parents aren't here to hug me and tell me everything will be okay. They probably wouldn't do that anyways, because they are brutally honest with me. Which I love. Most of the time. But they take care of me and make sure i'm okay.

So here's to hoping I get that job. So I can stay out here with the man I love. and that's it.

Lately

Today I spent all the live long day with Gregg. FANTASTIC. because he loves me. He tells me so every time I see him. But the difference is I KNOW for SURE that he means it now. Greggs bday is next... Wed. BOO. but maybe i'll have a job and be working. So that would be bueno!Haha , but anyways. What I got on to talk about. I'm applying to 2 jobs tomorrow. A telemarketing job and a job in American Fork at the CFA. I'm hoping I get both. That would be fan-freaking-tastic. That would mean I could stay in Utah and love Gregg for the rest of our lives. Anyways , I have to be up early to apply because I'm going with Jamie to her interview so she can do that and I can apply to said telemarketing job. WISH ME LUCK!!

If wishes were kisses , mine would all come true.

So here is what i'm insanely bummed about right NOW. First of all I can't sleep because my ears are in major pain. By major I mean I feel like they are going to explode. Blehhh.

The main bummer is this. Gregg's birthday is coming up next week. I can't get him ANYTHING. and I desperately wish I could. He says all he wants is to spend time with me and some kisses. Which Ironically is exactly what I told him I wanted for my birthday. Lucky for me I got that.( Even though we had broken up like 2 days earlier) He was sad he didn't get me anything , but I really didn't want anything. I'm at that age where I just don't care.However I do wish I could give him something. I know what he really wants for his birthday... is this still in italics? meh.anyways.I know what he wants for his birthday. I'm positive his family will give him the main thing. There is however something else he wants... and I can't get it for him. which is kinda stinky.

I literally wish I was a billionaire so I could just buy him , and me for that matter, whatever we wanted. and still pay the bills. well , I'm going to attempt to sleep now. peace out.

5 hours

Gahhh leeeee....What an exhausting life I lead. literally. I've lost weight. Gregg comments on it everytime he sees me. He also is guessing how much. His call is 8 pounds. I guess we'll never know since I don't have a scale. I love the way he looks at me though. He'll look at me , then comment on how I'm losing weight , then pull me into his arms and give me a gigantic hug. Then he tells me how many pull ups he can do and tells me to feel his Biceps. Which I GLADLY do. I love that boys arms. And shoulders. So hey , if he wants me to feel how big his arms have gotten , i'm not going to complain.

I have started watching the Food Network. Paula Deen and I are becoming best friends. So right now i'm watching Cake Wars. Oh and Saturday night I watched Letters to Juliet with Jamie. It's an AMAZING movie. I would definitely have it on DVD right now if I had the right discs. Anyways. I watched General Conference Last weekend. All of Saturday , which was a first for me. Second session of Sunday. Although I still missed the prophets talk because my roomie was too busy bashing him. Weird. I know.

Otherwise not much has gone on in my life. Just looking for a job, praying I can stay out here. I mean , I love my family and I miss being home, but I'm not ready to leave Gregg. It literally is causing me major stress. Anyways. I'm hanging out with Gregg in the morning. 5 ish hours to be exact. He has a cold. which is sad. Very sad. People are having babies. hehe. anyways. I'm bored so i'm gonna get on FB. Love ya'll!!!

Freedom

Here's to a great weekend of watching conference by myself for the first time ever. To camping on the couch. To having toilet paper. To delicious breakfast burritos that taste so good they're worth burning your hand. To being able to start over new. :) Here's to life.

Sushiiii

Yesterday Gregg and I decided we had been craving sushi. So we talked to Tara my awesome new roommate and decided to find the place she goes to that has sushi for 3 dollars. Except we never found the place. It literally took us 20 min of looking before we finally went to Sushi Ya and ate there. It is delicious and has a small Koi pond with HUGE fish and turtles in it.
Then we came back to My apt and had fun. Meaning we watched a little bit of Tv , Cuddled , watched a little bit of The princess diaries , and talked. I love that boy. We will have been together for 6 months on Friday. I'm more excited about it than he is though. It kinda bums me out but whatever. He can be an anniversary fun sucker.
On Saturday he is going home though. That's after he promised me we could chill together on Sunday. That's why we hung out yesterday though. Because he forgot he promised to hang with me on Sunday. So we rescheduled. Neither one of us is looking forward to my impending move across country , but if everything works out i'll have a nanny job and be able to stay!
I am coming very close to just screaming my head off because my roomates can't keep a kitchen and living room clean for 1 day!!!!! It's physically impossible , then they try to say it's my fault when all i EVER do is clean up after them. I'm gettng sick of it. I don't mind cleaning up , just don't say I have to clean up because it's MY fault. Because it's not only my fault. I have been cleaning up after myself anyways. So no it's actually not my fault. It's yours. I've taken out the trash every single time for ohhhh... 4 months now. Plus I'm usually the one doing the dishes. When I say something about it Jamie complains and says well I did it last night , or I rinse my dishes or something like that.
AND.... to top it off our microwave looks like something out of a horror film because nobody will clean it. Certain roomie says well I always cover my food. that is BS and she knows it. I'm tired of living somewhere where i'm going to get blamed for everything. Not that i'm placing the blame on everyone else , i'm just saying they need to step up and take responsiblitly for what they DID do. Don't pin it on me.
Anyways. It would be different if it was boys I was cleaning up after. I almost expect a boys house to be dirty. ( Thank you Gregg , Tim and, Tj for proving to me that's not always the case) I don't mind that . at all.
Anyways I'm done. Here's to hoping I get to see Gregg tomorrow. I really miss him when he's not around. It feels like things are getting harder though. Between us. Good thing is I don't mind. I love it. it's just exhausting having so many things happen at once. I think we might just both be a little stressed. Or maybe it's just me and my stupid emotions. haha oh well. give it a week or two. things will get better.

Happy happy joy joy

MY GREGG IS BACK FROM HIS CRUISE. AND HE BROUGHT ME A LITTLE PENNY GWEN THAT FLAPS IT'S ARMS... I NAMED HIM CHARLIE. GREGG AND I DECIDED THAT IF ANYTHING STRANGE OR BAD HAPPENS IT'S GOING TO BE CHARLIES FAULT. I LOVE GREGG :))) I ALSO LOVE MY MEXICAN PENNY GWEN. I LOVE MY LIFE TOO. THE END.

Hello World!

IT'S HOODIE WEATHER IN UTAH AND I LOVE IT. It brings back so many memories , and gives the hope of making new ones. Gregg comes back in 2 days. which is awesome. I also have to pee bad. but ya'll don't really care about that. anyways. that's my news. The end

Before Bed.

Dear Blogging world. Since Brett Emma demanded more blogging from my end , and since I have nothing to talk about , I shall tell you about my before bed routine and the quirky-ness that is Afton. I laugh about it now that I realize this ACTUALLY goes down. EVERY NIGHT.

so around 12:55 am I do my post Craig Ferguson , Pre Oprah squats... on the couch... I like the bounciness... don't judge. at 1am I'm in my room on my bed , writing in my Journal , followed by my scripture reading which depending on how long the 5 chapters are , can last anywhere from 10-30 min. Then I pray. I climb into bed and this is where the quirky kicks in. I realize I haven't peed yet. So I get up to go to the bathroom then head back to bed. And repeat that step about 3 more times before I can actually go to sleep. Not even kidding. I CAN'T SLEEP IF I DON'T GO TO THE BATHROOM FIRST. It's literally impossible for me. I'm afraid i'll wet the bed if I don't. I don't know when exactly this started or if I've always done it , but I just now noticed it.

My other quirk is that I HAVE to have a full bottle of water by my bed. I have to. Here's the logic in that. I have panic attacks right. Well I've finally gotten to the point where I can make them stop if I drink water. So I keep a bottle of water with me at night. Why does this help. I'll tell you my strange and twisted logic. Water is made of H2O two hydrogens and one Oxygen. well , we need oxygen to breathe right? Well water has oxygen , so I will NOT die if I drink water. Because i'll have Oxygen. Silly I know.

My other need? The phone. It has to be in my room. Like someone is really going to call me in the middle of the night. Probably not , but if they do , i'll be prepared.

So that my friends is my before bed routine. Enjoy.

Emotional....boo

So I was laying in bed last night , trying so very hard not to throw up. It didn't work , but I tried. and that's what counts. Anyways I didn't get on to talk about that. I got on to say that As I was laying in bed I was looking at a picture of my sisters and I on my Ipod that was taken 3 years ago. For the life of me I could not figure out where I fit in. at all. My mom is my mom. My dad is my dad. Brett is the down to earth , smart, girly girl. everything a parent could ask for in a daughter. Colby is smart , and Beautiful , and funny , and just your all american girl. again , everything you could ask for in a daughter. Then there's me. I have a wild imagination. I dream big , I'm hardly ever "down to earth" I can't save money. Seriously it's impossible for me. I've tried. I'm not especially funny. I don't fit into my family at all. I feel so.... left out. I mean I was looking at this picture and couldn't figure out what I was doing. I don't fit in. I ended up crying myself to sleep. I don't belong. I don't mind not fitting in I suppose. I don't mind not belonging, but you know. every kid knows just where they fit in , in their family. I don't. I just want Gregg to get back from his cruise. I feel like I fit in when I'm with him. I dunno. I promise i'm not usually this much of a mess.

Oh Gregg

Tonight Gregg left. His last words before he left? " I love you Afton , see you in a week." What does that make me do? Bawl like a baby and listen to Airplane like a billion times over and over and over again. The end. I'm going to bed now. Peace out.

Friends FOREVER...

So lately I've been super grateful for almost everything in my life. Seriously. On Saturday night I believe it was I was just at a super low point in life and said a prayer that honestly changed my life , because I didn't even expect to feel the spirit that strongly and unexpectedly. I had been journaling about what a great childhood I was blessed with and I just started crying during my prayer because I felt so Grateful for my sisters. Everyone , but especially my sisters. I was thinking of how My sisters and I had so much fun and how great of parents the Lord saw fit to bless us with. Which leads me to my family best friend list. This list is not in any particular order mind you...

Daddy- He is probably the coolest guy ever and i'm so glad he's mine. As a child he let us put bows in his hair and paint his toenails ( with clear nail polish) and let us play McDonalds in the back of his truck. He taught us how to change and rotate tires , he taught us to change the oil in our cars. It's stuck and I can't think of how many times it's come in handy. He's also brought me my keys late at night numerous times. Picked me up from school for years... He's done everything.

Mommy- I am constantly thankful that my mom made us do things we HATED to do as kids. For example... make dinners. This comes in especially handy here in Utah since everyone in my apartment needs to eat , but i'm the only one who knows how to cook. FANTASTIC . It also comes in handy when you're trying to impress the cute boy in the apartment over. She's also great for advice and there are weeks I find myself calling her at least once a day to ask her something or the other. So thanks for that mom.

Brett- I miss this girl so much. She's so fashionable. I love when I get to talk to her , especially since I hardly ever get to anymore. I almost wish I had skype so we could talk more often. I love her stories and I love the way she talks with her hands. She's fun and loveable, and I see the world opening up for her. I see so much potential. It's amazing. I'm jealous.

Colby- I love talking to this girl all the time. She makes me laugh when i'm sad , and gives me great advice. Especially when I have questions and don't even think to look at google. She is the great Shark Slayer. There are moments she reminds me of myself. When I was younger and had so much potential. I know she'll do amazing things with her life because she's extremely talented.

I'm super glad I had such great sisters to grow up with. I couldn't and wouldn't ask for it to be any other way. I love all the memories we had. like dressing up Hunter and pushing him around in our doll stroller. Like starting Grasshopper hospitals. like playing pioneer in the backyard. good times.

now for my utah friends.

Gregg is my bestest friend out here. not even kidding. I can tell him anything and everything and he never judges me. He loves me no matter what and I appreciate that. He's always been there to let me cry on his shoulder or just to listen. He's willing to be crazy with me , and he's always willing to make me laugh. He has awesome quilt fort parties with me where we listen to music, eat ben and jerrys and watch jeff dunham. He colors on the sidewalk with me. He plays on the playground with me. He brings me Strawberry DR. Peppers. He holds my hand and tells me he loves me. He kisses me on my forehead. I love this boy.

Jamie- I love her. I can never get over how much we have in common. I'm super glad to have her as my "sister away from home" I can talk to her and sing with her. We do lots of stuff together. She even lets me borrow her laptop so I can blog like i'm doing now.

RYAN- Probably my second favorite boy out here. I love talking to him. I think we are ... what's the word ? you know for soul best friends? anyways. I knew from the moment I met him that we'd be good friends. He comes to me for advice and I go to him for advice. He lets me vent to him , and I let him vent to me. He's super talented and super funny. He's fun to be around and always so kind.

Ginny- Oh Ginny. there is really no other words to describe her. I love her. We became best friends the day we found out we went to the same school. She's gotten me through so much drama. For that i'm grateful. She is my second sister away from home. And we act just like sisters. We fight , but we know that we'll always be there for each other. and it's nice.

In other news. I got a blessing , and it was good. But i'm going to go now. so I can journal and read scriptures , and ... well... sleep. hopefully.

She made me do it.

I was told to update my blog. Alas Here is a brand new post. Just for you Brett Emma , on your birthday. Happy 19th Birthday to one of the coolest girls I know. I wish I could say things get better as you get older , but they don't always get better , and i'm not going to lie to you and tell you they do. All i'm going to tell you is to make the most of what life hands you. Life won't always be easy , boys won't always like you , and your friends might be mean to you, BUT...it will ALWAYS be worth it. Uhm here's a scripture that's helped me out lately , and maybe one day it will help you out. It's Mosiah 37:36 Totally good and majorly ... I want to say helpful, but It was more of good advice for me. Don't sweat the small stuff. It will pass. I promise. Love you bunches girl. Never change! Don't accept anything less than the best because you're worth the best.

In other news.... Uhm, I went to a rockin game night this evening , some new guys in the ward threw it so they could get to know people better I assume. Anyways they're awesome. Funny funny people. I met tons of new people and got to catch up with a few people i've met before. It was fun and I'm really glad I decided to go instead of sleeping like I kinda wanted to. I look super hot today too. So I was talking to ... my mom I think it was the other day and she said something like " are you sure Gregg likes you and hasn't dated any other girls?" Well mother I thought I was sure , but then that comment made me start to freak out. so thanks. But then I talked to Gregg today and you know what he said?! DO YOU?!?! He said that there were'nt any cute girls in his new ward and that I didn't have any competition , then added , but do you ever have any competition to which I replied OF COURSE NOT!!! anyways. In conclusion mother , he told me he loved me before he hung up the phone. And I believe that boy. Because I love him.

I would also like to take the time to congratulate all my friends who are pregnant with little baby boys. One day I will have 3 little boys and a girl JUST LIKE ME. Which to be honest actually kind of scares me. I changed my mind. I want 4 little boys and 2 little girls. I've got the girls names picked out even. The end. Now i'm done with my extremely long novel of a blog. You're welcome Brett.

playpen...

Gregg and I always have the most interesting conversations. Yesterday I had a little bit of a stress breakdown yet again. For some reason Gregg always comes during the worst of them , because i'm always stressing lately. He just comes when the tears happen to be flowing. ANYWAYS... somehow we got to talking about how suicide is like settling for a playpen when you could have disney land. Which is really sad , but true when you think about it. Which had both of us laughing. So thanks for that Gregg. ( Not that either one of us is suicidal because we're not.) anyways. I'm just stressed all the time. I'm not sure where my life is going or where i'm supposed to be , or when i'm supposed to get married or to who , but through all my stress i'm calm. Sort of. What I mean is that while i'm stressing I know i'll be okay. I know that no matter what happens i'll be okay. I'm watching Wipeout right now and that's ...cool. anyways. Happy Birthday mem. I LOVVVEEEE YOUUUUUUU. bleh. anyways. I need to clean for cleaning checks. blehhhh.

Sad days

I think I'm depressed. No joke. These days it's super hard for me to get out of bed in the morning because I wake up and think to myself... what's the point? I don't want to be depressed. Life is hard though. It's hard for everyone I suppose , but seriously, my trials all seem to be so huge. More than I can bear at times. I feel bad for Gregg because he's seen me break down into tears 3 days in a row. I'll apologize , but he just says I have good reason. I dunno. Good news is I have a new Roommate , who I've really only talked to 3 times , but I love her to pieces. I'm so lucky to have gotten such good roommates this year. So that's good. well i'm gonna go now.

can't wait

I can't wait to meet that boy , fall in love with him , get married to him , and start having little babies with him. I have no clue who "he" is yet , but I can't wait. Although I'm saying this I don't want to rush it either. I want it to happen when it happens , but I can't wait for that stage in my life. To come home ( or have him come home to me ) every night and see him and his perfect self. I want him to hug me and tell me he loves me and ask me how my day was. I want my almost-fairytale ending. I know it will happen one day. I think maybe in the next 2 years. I can't wait for that. But I can. do you get it ?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!! my parents came into town and I shared bday cake with them , Jamie and Ryan :) Best birthday weekend ever. Now to see if the actual birthday will be bueno

Dumped

I am dumped. No joke. Am I mad? No , am I hurt ? A little. am I sad ? A LOT.
I can't blame him for dumping me though. I refuse to be mad or upset. He did it because he felt it was right and I can't blame him or be mad because of that. I am sad because I love him to pieces, but if it's not right for both of us it's not right. So tonight I cried for 3 hours and then turned on the office. I have no clue what I'm going to do now , but you know.... It's gonna be okay.

Gregg

I LOVE GREGG. and that's a fact that I can't get over.

Sunny Daysss

So what has happened since I last blogged. I've been hanging out with Jamie and becoming VERY addicted to NCIS. No joke. If you haven't seen it you need to check it out. Majorly good. I rented Remember Me with Robert Pattinson. It's an okay movie. Very slow , but good. The best part is the end. I'd tell you why to save you the time of watching it , but when I told Jamie ( who had no intention of watching it)Gregg flipped out saying I ruined the ending. So watch that too. It's a dollar at the red box. which I will also promote over going to Block Buster. Do my Atlanta friends have those? No clue. But it was one brilliant Idea and it's a HUGE thing out here in Utah. I've also become addicted to facebook and Frontierville. The coolest game on facebook. Even better than Farmville. I like it better because it gives you goals as opposed to making you kind of just wing it on your own. I like having a purpose for playing a game. Anyways. That's the gist of my life right now. so yeah.

These Pictures are some of my surprises... I made the cute little pies I blogged about earlier , and they still tasted good even though I screwed up the recipe. Big time. But aren't they adorable. This is the dinner I made my Man. The Stuffed bell peppers and Pies. The other two pictures are from the Demolition Derby in Delta. It was awesome and I figured I would upload a few from my weekend. I also got books at the library to help me with my Photography of babies and weddings. Not that I'll be able to do either anytime soon , but you know. I do want to do it eventually and Gregg says I should do it too. So we'll see. Anyways. Last night , walking out of Fresh Market with Greggeth, We saw the cutest kids hanging out of the car door and singing out Carrie Underwood's cowboy Casanova at the VERY TOP of their lungs. It was super cute and I immediately wished I had my camera so I could video it. That's all i've got for now. Talk to ya later!

Great Weekend

So I tried doing this last night , but then my computer had to be dumb and shut off. Super Lame. Basically I had a great weekend in Delta with my Handsome man. Here's pretty much what went down...

Thursday : Gregg comes over and wakes me up so kindly. We sit and talk for a little bit then decide we smell. He goes home to shower and I stay at home and shower and stuff. Then I went over to his Apt to let him know I'm all ready and clean and stuff. That boy surprises me with Roses , my favorite kind , Dr. Pepper , and Fries from 5 Guys. He is the best. Then we run some errands with Jamie , and then head out. We stop at the mall for some Ice Cream and then start our trip to Delta at about 7 pm. After barely beating the sunset through the mountains we make it to his house at about 9:30 pm. After that we say hi to his mom then play Lego Indiana Jones on the Xbox. Finally at about 2 am we go to bed.

Friday: Friday morning I got to meet Jen , Gregg's other sister and her family. She has the cutest children. His whole family has cute kids.I told Gregg that his family just has the cute Gene pool. anyways. After that we took Amy to the Grocery store So we could get food for the weekend. When we got home we watched all the kids for a bit , and then Courtney and Eric came over. We had a nice lazy day and later that night we set off fireworks. It was fun. So much fun. Especially to hear little hank say after every firework that he wanted more. 2 more. After the fireworks we were all pretty tired and went to bed so we could be up in time for the parade the next morning.

Saturday: This was probably the most eventful day of my weekend. That morning we got up at about 8:30. We got to the parade and Gregg and I sat in the middle , a decent distance from the road. With my mad catching skills and the parade people's mad throwing skills I was able to catch enough candy for me and Gregg to both have about 5 pieces each. good candy. After that we went to the park. Gregg bought our Derby Tickets and then we walked around. We skipped out on some of it and bought drinks then went to hang out with Gregg's friend T.J. He Is a really cool guy. Finally we headed back to the house for our STEAK lunch. Which was really delicious. After I finished my lunch I went inside and took a nap because I didn't feel good and because I could feel the cranky's coming. Problem solved before it arrived.

When I woke up I taught Will and Courtney how to play Mancala and watched TV and talked to everyone. Except Gregg because he was asleep on the chair next to me. When he woke up he took a shower and then we left for the Derby. This was probably the Coolest thing I've ever been to in my life. Not even kidding. Dad you would've loved it. I'll have pictures up as soon as I get my camera out of Gregg's car. We left the derby for a few minutes to get shakes. We ate those then headed back. Just in time to catch the end of the derby. It was well worth the 10 dollars per ticket Gregg paid to get us tickets. I thanked him over and over and over again. I owe that guy big time for everything he does for me. After the Derby we watched the fireworks from Gregg's car. and then we went home. After all the kids were asleep we stayed up and talked to Eric ,Courtney , Jen, and Don. And watched a TV show about Salt. I found out that I'm not much younger than Courtney is. She's 22. I'll be 22 in 3 weeks. yes sir. anyways back on topic. Around 12:30 we all went to bed.

Sunday: We woke up super early and left for church (Yes, Gregg and I WERE the last ones to leave. we always are. because of Gregg. Not me.) We got to church , and baby Nickolas got blessed. It was amazing to see my Gregg go up there with his brother and father and a bunch of other people I don't know and give that baby a blessing. I told him I've never been more attracted to him in my life. He was confused and I tried to explain to him that there is nothing sexier than a guy living worthy to hold the priesthood. He still didn't get it , but maybe you ladies married to worthy Priesthood holders get it. Maybe i'm crazy.

Then we went to Sunday School. Which was as Gregg says "Okay , but you were there" when he said that I wasn't quite sure what to think. He then explained to me that he meant that it was okay , but I already knew that because I was there. So I felt better about myself. Then Relief Society. I sat by Amy. It was really good. They are having this Reflections Of Christ at their stake center , and the guy who took the pictures and the guy who did the music for it came and played piano/ talked about the pictures. I've never felt the spirit so strongly in Relief Society.

After that Gregg took us home and we ate the most delicious lunch. Ham , beans. yummy (funeral) potatoes , potato salad. that other salad thing , Jell-o , and rolls. It was sooo good. after that I sat on the couch and fell asleep while everyone under the sun ate lunch and talked. It was loud , but when I woke up to Gregg tickling my feet ( good story behind that) I was told that I slept for a good Hour and a half. Poor Gregg didn't get a nap because of the loud children. We talked for a few more hours then we headed home.

The good tickle story is that apparently towards the end of my nap I was hitting Gregg with my hands and feet so Gregg thought I was awake and started tickling me. I wasn't hitting him hard mind you. At least I don't think I was... Anyways. It was a REALLY good weekend and I enjoyed myself. So i'm gonna go now.

OH MY OH MY!!!

I have SO MANY surprises , which I will get to talking about eventually , but for right now just know that I am SOOOOO excited about my exciting surprises. 1 of which I'm pretty sure my mother and father will love. BECAUSE IT IS THAT SURPRISING !!! anyways. Yesterday was a very good day , and i'm looking forward to a REALLY good weekend. Basically yesterday I spent with my love Gregg. ALL DAY!!! We watched the wedding planner. ( He really is amazing sitting through a chick flick with me. Now if I can only get him to take me to Eclipse for our Anniversary ) anyways.. then we cuddled on the couch and then we went to TARGET!!! where I saw Katelyn with her new hubby. So weird. I didn't say anything to her though. Just let her do her thing. Then I made my Man dinner. Stuffed Bell peppers. That boy ate the stuffing and that's it. lol funny guy. Anyways. I'm gonna go. To finish up the BIG surprise... oh my I'm excited

Cookie Cutters

I so desperately wish I had baby cookie cutters right now. that would be awesome :) So I could make these cute little baby pies in mason jars... they are adorable. Best part ? You can get the jars at wal-mart. for 3 dollars. I checked. I'm excited to take on this cute little craft when I can :) yep :) later taters. I'm going to go shower than hang out with the sexiest , kindest, Most handsome and loving man in the ENTIRE world. Nobody can stop me.

What Up

So...There really isn't much to blog about I suppose. Ginny has moved out and that is good for her. And us I suppose. In a way. We are ( Jamie and I ) brainstorming how we are going to make our Apartment more homey. More info on that later :) Tomorrow we are going to re-arrange the furniture. Again. yep! And I couldn't be more excited. I really need a shower curtain. But that will come. In time. Sigh. I'm tired so I think I'll go to bed in a second. love ya!!

When Do I get PAID?!!!

I know that's probably a question I should have asked before I got hired , but I figured It was every two weeks. It's been 2 weeks and I have no paycheck. Maybe it'll come tomorrow , but it would be fantastic if I could just get it today. FOR REAL. I only need 20 dollars so I can do laundry and have bus money. Honest. My arm is swollen. Gregg and I discovered this on our way home from Delta this morning. well it's really just my wrist , but it's definitely swollen. We're guessing some strange invisible bug bit me. but we have no clue. I also can get health insurance from my Job. which after I talk to the parents about ,I'll probably be signing up for that. It would be awesome to have health insurance again. NO JOKE. Gregg is working right now. I love him soooo much. Not even kidding. I'm tired and have headaches all the time. I really need a check up or something , because I think I have an ear infection ... and probably other stuff too. I also need a shower curtain. and a trash can. For the bathroom. i'm gonna go. I'm just not feeling 100% today :(

ANNOYED...

Yes , I've just about had it up to here!!! ( you can't see but I have my arms spread wideeee) I'm sick and tired of just about everything. Not even kidding. I'm tired of not having money. Which is being taken care of right now. but still. I'm tired of Roomies who use my crap. like toilet paper. which I mean I understand we share a bathroom, but i'm almost positive 2 girls can't go through that many rolls of TP in a week... seriously ? I'm sick of sitting around Watching The Simpsons with Gregg , who I love so much , just because neither of us can decide on something to do, or don't want to spend money on a real date. I can understand doing that most of the time, but I DO want a REAL DATE at least once a month. Not walking around the mall , not walking around wal-mart, Not going to sonic... although I do love it.... AND NOT ALWAYS SITTING AT HOME. I mean I try not to complain because Gregg does so much for me already. He drives me to work.Come to think of it , if I have to be somewhere or feel like going somewhere , he drives me. He sees me all the time. He makes me food when i'm at his apt. He makes sure i'm taken care of and I really appreciate that and love him so much for it, but I want a real date. Dinner and Movie. It can be McDonald's dollar menu and the Dollar theater but Dinner and A movie... Is that too much??? I'm just sick and tired of feeling as though no one cares about how I feel or what I want to do. Now i'm gonna go cry. so yeah

Fathers Day...

Let's be honest... I haven't really slept this weekend. I'm super tired and Since I will probably be sleeping when my Family get's online to talk to me... Sorry folks. I figured I'd just send a little Blog shout out...

Daddio....Happy Fathers day. You are the bestest dad in the whole wide world. NO JOKE.I'm so glad you are mine and that you never give up on me. You always have more faith in me than I ever deserve and I really appreciate it. I miss your hugs...

MEEM... Uh what's going on in your life ?! How was your weekend NOT in chicago ? Guess what ? I learned how to fry eggs. all by myself. They are probably my most favorite food right now. Just ask Gregg. I eat a ton... like 3 or 4 every day. It is delicious...

Brett... How is babysitting. I like your blog. I happen to creep on you. Every day. okay so just the last 2 days , but it counts. I saw a lady today at work and I thought of you. I also saw a cute skirt and thought of you. I also ate a delicious peach. at work... How is Robby ?!

Colby.... Uhm how was toy story 3 ? Is it good? Have you seen Shrek yet? Gregg want's to go see it , but we're waiting for it to go to the dollar. you have your permit right? Have you taken mom driving yet ? I dare you to do it and see what happens ;p

TO ALL ... I work a whole lot. I've gotten really good at my job though. I haven't really done a whole lot this week... Yet I feel like that is a lie all at the same time. To be honest I can't really remember much past this morning. Sometimes I forget what day it is...which sounds super lame. Mostly I hang out with Gregg when possible. We laugh at each other , and love each other and it's great. Well .. I'm super tired so i'm going to sleep...

Author Unknown

Dear Blog...

Greggory is working. My family is in GA. Ginny betrayed me..Jamie is my new best female friend. I miss Gregg. I'm going to run away. I think. Can't I just move back home to GA? work at the chicken place again? I want to move back home mucho. But I want to be with Gregg more. AND I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED BEFORE ME. I'm disowning my cousin. I know it shouldn't bother me. but it does. I'm not in any rush to get married mind you. I'm just tired of people getting married before me. can they just stop for a little bit. wait for me to catch up? MAYBE???? I want to wake up from this dream. Possibly I would wake up still in Utah , but like the day after I moved here? before I was an idiot and switched over to tmobile. But could Gregg still be my boyfriend that way ? probably not. so maybe I don't want to wake up.I just want to prove to everyone that I can do this. that I can live on my own. That I can make good choices and not be tight on money and ... I don't know. I feel like such a failure. wow... i've been having a pity party. A big one. I think I would like my job a lot more if I had a Car...le sigh. I need a hug. I just want Gregg to love me. And I want to be closer to my family. I feel like i've been banished. or not banished. But sent away. and to think I chose to come here... WHY???????? I really need a hug... REALLY REALLY REALLY. I would just go over and see Gregg , but it's after midnight. But I REALLY need to see gregg...I'll just wake up early and go visit him. Probably waking up him ,but I need him to hug me and tell me it will be all right. like he always does. the end.

Scary stuff

I had a scary weekend. I went to Delta this weekend and everything was fine between me and my boy. On Saturday though when we came back nothing was great at all. He didn't want to marry me anymore , and he didn't even know if he even wanted to date me anymore. I sat down and talked to him and he eventually decided that yes he did want to date me, but by an hour later he didn't know again. He didn't know for sure that he did until yesterday morning, where he said he wanted to date me , but not talk about marriage yet. I figured that was a understandable compromise that I was willing to make. I know I'm supposed to be with him forever, so I knew as long as I could date him , he'll come to know that too. So now I just wait. It still hurts a little bit, but by last night it was ALMOST like nothing had happened.Oh well. I'm thinking I need to shower and get some dishes done. all so I can go see my love. I also have grape jelly stuck between the a,s,and z buttons... haha so this is taking forever to write.

Bubble Bath

Today ..., was a bubble bath day. You know those days where almost nothing goes right. I can count on one finger the amount of things that went right in my day today. well okay on two fingers. 1) Gregg came over. On time. 2) My work called and I start tomorrow morning. which is really a mixed blessing. actually. I'm not a morning person , but as Gregg so kindly pointed out. I need the money. So although i'd rather be with him. In Delta this weekend.I will be here. working. So I can pay rent. And T-mobile. even though I shouldn't have to pay T-mobile. but I will do It I guess. Even though right now it seems like i'll never get that paid off. Right now I feel like my life keeps trying to start , but then decides not to. It is really beginning to stress me out.On top of all this my anxiety attacks are getting super bad again. They started kicking up again the other night really bad while Gregg was here. He didn't know what to do. He later confided in me that he was seriously considering getting me to a hospital. I really can't complain. My only real stress is coming from T-mobile. In other news a girl at my apt complex got raped super bad last night. So the Branbury is going crazy. We're not allowed to walk alone anymore. My apt has decided to lock our doors no matter what. They're even going to cut down a LOT of the trees around the river and stuff. Because here's what happened. Apparently the guy who raped the girl beat the crap out of her, raped her , then hid her in the bushes. about 4 hours later she finally came to and dragged herself out onto the path where half an hour later someone finally found her. I'm really scared to live here now. But I guess you're not really safe anywhere. I should go to bed. Since I have to go to training tomorrow. boo. later taters.

for the record

I got to touch the most beautiful ring on the planet today. No joke. and I want it SOOO bad. I think a piece of me is sitting in the store with that ring. :( and Gregg just laughs at me.

Promised Blog

SO.... This is the blog I promised mother I would write. In the week since I've been home from GA I've been with Gregg a good majority of it. Story of my life. I've started my CNA class and I enjoy it more and more every day. I go from 5pm to 9:30 pm Monday through wed. The worst part about the class is I have to go get tested for TB. and that costs a whopping 12 dollars. Guess it's a good thing I got that Job at Sam's club huh ?!? Which after I found out I got the job I had to go get a Drug Test done. That involved me peeing in a cup. Good news. My pee is the temperature it's supposed to be!!! ( Thank you Gregg for driving me around all over Provo for all this stuff. You are heaven sent! ) I found out my female Bestie is moving out of the apt at the end of June which makes me cry , but you know what ?? Gregg says hopefully in 2 or 3 months I'll be moving out too :) Get it?!?! I sure hope so. Anyways. I love Gregg :) He makes me the happiest girl on the planet :) In other news... I have been listening to Hey Soul Sister ALL WEEK LONG . Repeatedly. NO JOKE. I love it. hmmm what else? I think that's about it. So that's my post for today :)

I'm in...

I'M IN LOVE!!! With the most handsome, funniest , most amazing guy ever !! All you other people should be jealous. I win. I'm officially the luckiest girl EVER. I won't get to see him for 3 whole days. But he comes over Friday night after work so I can help him pick out a black shirt and on Saturday morning we leave for Georgia !!!I get to spend a whole week with my best friend AND my family. It couldn't get any better than this :)

Such Great Heights

I'm, thinking its a sign,That the Freckles in our eyes are mirror images,
and when we kiss their perfectly aligned.And I, have to Speculate,
That god himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay

And true, It may seem like a stretch but its thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when your,away when I am missing you to death,When your out there on the road, for several weeks of shows and when you scan the radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights ,come down now, they'll say.
But everything looks perfect from far away.Come Down now, but we'll stay

I, tried my best to leave a song on your machine, but that persistent beating sounded thin upon listening and that frankly will not fly you will hear the shrillest highs and lowest lows with the wind doze down when this is guiding your mind

They will see us waving from such great heights.come down now, they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away Come down now, but we'll stay

My Dears

Hello again my lovely people of America ! As you have probably noticed by now , there is music playing on my blog. The first song you hear is Such Great Heights by Iron and Wine. You may thank Twilight for getting me hooked onto Iron and Wine , and you may thank Gregg for getting me hooked on Such Great Heights. It is truly a beautiful song. Take a listen. It's amazing. I can't help but to kinda hum along to it.

I think I'm dying. No joke. Ginny and I aren't feeling so hot. except I haven't felt good since last week. Only at night though. I get super nauseous around 9pm and it sticks till about noon the next day. then i'm fine. Today however i've been non-stop nauseous. since yesterday really. I woke up feeling crappy and it just continued and got worse over the course of the day. Right now i'm having major Cramps and it's not even close to that time of the month. ( sorry boys ) and i have the i want to puke up everything i've eaten.

I would also like to announce that I attract spiders. I was in the bathroom one day and a spider this big }( ){ <--- That is the spider if you didn't know.. It represents the like huge spider i found in my bathroom. it was huge...anyways and then tonight it hit closer to home. A brand new spider was just making her web outside my bedroom door. NOT CUTE!!! Ginny and I blame it on the HUGE whole in our bathroom that maintenance put in and haven't fixed yet. I'm getting sick of it.

Oh well i should be reading my scriptures then going to bed. Talk to ya'll later?!

L.O , L.O, L.O , L.O.V.E !!!

Hahah I love that song. Paris Hilton right ?! anyways. I love it. anyways. I love Gregg. I was thinking about it last night and yesterday really. But anyways. I love him. I feel so blessed to have such a great priesthood holder in my life. He is so great to me and it's awesome. I can be myself around him and he doesn't judge me. He tells me i'm beautiful and tells me i'm a good person and all sorts of stuff. He's amazing and I know he loves me. It's great. I love him :D

In other news things are looking AWESOME! I have an interview for a job , My CNA classes start in June , the worst part of today is the fact that I won't see Gregg until Thursday , and the fact that T-Mobile is STILL screwing me over. for real. IT SUCKS. It will be like another billion days until my phone is even close to being fixed.

I'm going now. more cereal and the mail call me. later!

Not Enough

Let me tell ya'll. 3 WHOLE days with Gregg just isn't enough. I haven't seen him for 5 hours and i'm already going crazy. i'm serious. I spent Monday night through This morning in Delta with him and his family. I loved it. last night we went stargazing and I can honestly say I've never EVER seen so many stars in the sky. Yesterday We just chilled in our PJ's all day. We also played Mario Kart and Risk. I lost. both games. anyways. I think I will attempt to sleep. It will probably end up being a nap. I am so tired of having to pee every 5 min. which i'm sure everyone wanted to know. but ... doesn't change the fact. anyways. i'm gonna peace out. more from me tomorrow :)

I'll be missing you

I haven't seen Gregg all weekend. I haven't missed anybody as much as I miss him right now. well okay maybe my family. But It feels like I haven't missed anyone as much as him. I am almost concerned something is wrong because he hasn't come over in the last 2 days. Not that i'm clingy or needy... okay i am needy, but not to the point that I need him to be around all the time, but let's face it. we've dated for a month now and this is the first time I haven't seen him. He's usually over here ALL the time. no joke. Maybe he just needs a break from me. I would think that he'd let me know though.

Maybe i'm over reacting. I tend to do that. but... really. I hope he comes over tonight if only for a few minutes so I know he's okay. I think i'd feel a lot better if I just knew he was okay. Maybe if I sleep i'll feel better about it. I hope so. OH and he's going home to visit tomorrow... so if he doesn't come over tonight that means I will not get to see him until like...I have no idea. I'm dying. really.okay ... okay. nap. i'll leave everyone alone and take my worries about Gregg being dead to my nap. gahhhh

sorry

Sorry that I blog about Gregg so much , but if he'd stop doing things that made me super happy , i'd probably stop blogging about him so much. I just had to give an update on the thing that he does that is currently my favorite thing about him so far.

Gregg has this odd tendency to just wink at me. He doesn't do it on purpose either. He's told me so himself. Half the time he doesn't even realized he's winked at me. So I've made it a priority to let him know every time he winks at me. I tell him I love it because it's like his mind is winking at me to let me know that he likes me.

In other news I definitely slept in until 1 pm today. Not on purpose mind you. It just happened. I woke up at 9:48 in the morning for a second because Gregg was silly and left his cell phone in my room. He figured he'd just pick it up today , but forgot he had set the alarm. So needless to say I wake up to his phones alarm screaming at me , which literally made me fly out of my bed. After I shut the phone off and calmed down I just laid the phone in bed next to me, like I do with my cell phone. I then fell back asleep till Ginny knocks on my door , comes in ( with Gregg right behind her) saying Afton, Gregg is here.

I wont lie. At first I just picked up the phone , laid in my bed and reached out to give it to Ginny. Then I decided i'd be nice and say hi to my boyfriend. I'm glad I did.

I also have a good story to tell. So I've been debating what I wanted my major to be. I was trying to decide between English , History , and Culinary Arts. History never really felt right to me. So that narrowed it down to English and Cooking. In the shower I set my mind to Culinary.Alas tonight as I was talking to Gregg about blessings... weird I know , I got the strongest impression ever that I needed to go into English. So i'm going into English and trying to prep myself for all the papers i'm going to have to write. BOO. anyways. i'm going to bed. later

The Gregg

I love this guy. More than words. He is way more than I deserve and I have no clue how I got so lucky. He's always telling me i'm pretty. He tells me i'm beautiful when i'm in my pj's with no makeup on, when i haven't showered since the night before and my hair is all greasy. The times when I know i'm not pretty. or beautiful. the times when I feel the least beautiful.

He also just loves me. He puts up with my crazy mood swings , like last night when I went from insanely happy Afton to super sad Afton within 10 min. He knows when i'm sad and like last night will let me cuddle up to him and cry like a baby until I feel better. He listens to me. Then he will tell me everything will be okay,and make me laugh.

He takes me to work and picks me up too. which I really feel bad about , but he tells me it's okay. I appreciate him and all he does for me.

In other news. I have no clue what i'm gonna do. I am gonna go to UVU in the fall. but that doesn't start till September i think. I'm not sure. I feel like a mess of emotions. I feel like a mess in general. I don't want to go into nursing anymore I don't think. I'm not 100% positive yet though.

when i figure out what I want to do in my life i will let everyone know. For right now i'm making a pizza and then i'm thinking nap.

Tonight

Tonight was AWESOME!!! Gregg came over around 4ish. We cuddled for a while then watched a movie , then cuddled some more , looked at pictures. Then we decided to have fun. We then went to Wal-Mart, bought chalk for a dollar and some temporary tattoos. We came home, tattooed ourselves up , took pics of that then went outside and traced each other on the sidewalk. took pics of that too. i'll post pics up later. THEN we decided that we just needed more chalk. so next time we're gonna spend the 4 dollars more to get a huge bucket with 52 pieces of chalk. because we had so much fun. the one we got tonight had maybe 12 pieces in it. i dunno. anyways. it was fun. then we came inside , cleaned up our hands , and sat down and talked. We also noted how we wished we could clone and make miniatures of us so we could always be together. what was our solution? we just took pics with our phones of each other and set it as our backgrounds. Gregg is Brilliant for coming up with that idea. anyways. it's late and i want to sleep. PS. i lost my phone charger. which equals NO BUENO. peace out ya'll

Blog Dayz... with a "z"

So , sometimes I have blog days. which are usually more like blog nights. anyways. Lately I've been getting on my blog just to see what Rikki writes. When I see she doesn't have a new blog i get kinda sad. Does that make me a creeper? I hope not. I just enjoy reading her blogs.

Gregg is AWESOME. I like that guy. I like him a lot. he has this thing he does. which makes me happy. He does this Mexican person impersonation thingy. cracks me up. all the time. He is also a quick learner which i'm super impressed by. He also tells me daily lately ( i've been kinda having crazy mood swings because of my special gift ) that i'm worth said crazy mood swings.

In other news , my boss cut my hours ( JERK) so i've been job hunting. My contact lenses ripped ( suck) so now i have to look like a goober in my glasses until i can just get more. AND... I don't get to see Gregg tomorrow. which will be the first time I haven't seen him since we started dating...AKA 3 weeks ago. yeah it's been 3 weeks already. crazy. doesn't seem like that long ago.

I like him a lot. and I like how he puts up with me. Today he even picked me up and carried me across a huge puddle on the sidewalk to his Apt. I think i'll keep him. :) what a gentleman. anyways. work comes early.( even if it is just a 3 hour shift ) so i'm gonna peace out. LATAHHHH

Blucky...

That my friends is Bleh and Yucky combined. That is how I felt when I woke up for work. Last night was ok.After venting my guts out to you I talked to Gregg on the phone ( Our first phone call... eek!! ) and he made me feel way better. He always does. Then Gregg told me he'd take me to work and pick me up. because my bike is flat. again . and i have no clue where 60 psi is. so I'm gonna work on it tomorrow and just air it up until it feels right. anyways. So I worked till 4... then Gregg came and picked me up we had tons of fun and just kinda chilled until he decided he was hungry , but didn't know what for.

After a wonderful adventure we ended up at Bajos or something and ate nachos. and had fun. then we drove home , and he put in some movie. which was kinda boring for me to listen to , so i just stared at him while he watched the movie. then he decided he was tired and didn't feel good. which brings me to this

I think I have mono. again. I hope I don't and I certainly hope Gregg doesn't. But it totally makes sense. I didn't even think about it until Dan the guy I work with mentioned it. then i was like CRAP. so i'm going to start taking like i dunnos. and hope that I get better. anywho. i'm going to bed. because i'm tired. and because for the first time in like 2 weeks , Gregg was out of the house before midnight. anyways...

Bittersweet

I hate my job. I hate my Computer. I hate the economy. I hate the fact that Kim is making Ginny sad. I just want everything to be happy.

I like Gregg. A LOT. When i'm with him everything is Good. All my worries melt away. I'm where I need to be with him. Well for right now anyway. We talk , we laugh... we do everything. We're weird together. It's perfect. in all randomness it's now 1:23 am. haha. anyways. I wish ... I wish Gregg and I have been dating for longer. I never want him to leave.

I want to cry. tears of joy. tears of sadness. I just want to cry. I want to be with my mommy and daddy. Sad thing is , is that the other day before the movie Gregg took me to , there was a preview for a dog movie. I cried during the preview because i miss my puppy.

My mom waited to tell me because she didnt want me to be alone when I heard the news... but what about every other time ? Who's supposed to be here for me now ?! I just want to come home. I want some place to call home. I want someone to love me. For all my flaws and imperfections. I'm so emotional. ( p.s. the news is that my puppy got put to sleep)

anyways. i'm going to cry myself to sleep now. I'm so full of so many emotions. and nobody wants to hear them. not all of them. It sucks.

haha Facebook Official Haha

So... Gregg and I are officially facebook official. Which As much as i think it's retarded, it's also a big deal for me. it's weird. Then Gregg turned out to be more observant than he lets on , and found this blog right off the bat. That crazy kid. He happens to be my favorite. At that point I freaked because I had NO CLUE what I had written about him on here. I didn't want to embarrass myself so I told him he had to stop reading. I'll check it out in a few and see if he can read it again. lol.

After work Gregg picked me up. We went to sonic for lunch/dinner well he got a drink. I got food, because frankly I was near starvation. He's my hero too. For just going along with my stomach and taking me out when I ask. Sometimes when I don't ask too. Then we came home, and then left again to get Ginny some Printer paper.After spending an hour at Wally World we came home. While he checked his facebook for the first time in FOREVER, I chatted it up with Elder Salsman...my friend who leaves for his mission tomorrow.

After Johnny left Gregg decided to dance with me. So we danced and he decided we should go see a movie. So we went and got ice cream and then went to the Provo Mall to go see how to train your dragon. That my friends is a most excellent movie. then we came home , watched like 2 episodes of The Office , at which point Gregg decided he should go home because we were both falling asleep on the couch.

He's a good guy and I really appreciate that in him. other than that i've simply worked ALL DAY. I'm definitely not looking forward to working tomorrow. Or the meeting. In other news , Our apartment is COMPLETELY out of toilet paper... I'm going crazyyyyy. It's gross. so anyways. I'm gonna go to bed. later taters!!

100%

I am 100 percent sure I DO NOT want to go to work tomorrow. I'm even more sure that I would rather NOT go to the meeting on Wednesday that goes until 11 pm. I hate my job. Why can't I have a normal job. one where I work oh...12- 5 or 6 ? then come home... and have weekends off.Oh well. At least I get Mondays off. yeah. anyways. i've gotta go to bed. boo

The Devil is in our Apartment

Ok , so she's not REALLY the Devil , but I sure do HATE her like she is. Her name is Kim... and personally i'd rather eat roaches than know that she is sitting in our living room on the couch. I think she's spending the night , which means Afton will not sleep well. ( Yes I do not sleep as well if someone I don't like is within 50 ft. of me. ) I'll get over it though. MAYBE.

Today I skipped church , and the John Bytheway Fireside. I simply didn't want to go. Well I was tired too, but this is the first time my Roomies lemme get away with it because I was tired.

Then at like 9:30 my Gregg came over. And we went on a walk. Then when we were ALMOST home we decided we were too tired to walk at that point so we just sat on a bench and talked. We do that a LOT lately. Which neither of us minds, because we didn't do it so much the week before. Cool thing is though , We have a ton in common. which is good. because that makes the fact that we like each other a whole lot easier.

Anyways... I don't want to leave ,but i'm tired. and yeah. so I guess i'll talk to ya later :)

I am a CRAZY person....

For some reason I get a sick and twisted enjoyment out of reading my married friends blogs.... in a weird way it makes me sad and excited all at the same time. Oh well.

In other news. I just finished watching Julie and Julia. It makes me want to cook my way through a cook book. If I was going to choose someone to cook my way through their cookbook it would be Paula Dean. She seems like she would have good food ,and let's face it. she's like the most popular cook in this day.

Me and Gregg Just made Breakfast for dinner. Well since we didn't start cooking till like 1 am I suppose it was breakfast for breakfast. It wasn't finished until 2:30 , and Gregg went home with leftovers and we have PLENTY of leftovers here too. Gregg made the Bacon and Blueberry muffins and HALF of the Banana Pancakes. I made the other half of the Banana Pancakes, Regular Pancakes ( burnt half of the reg. ones) and Scrambled eggs.

I think next time we'll make Mexican or Chinese. We'll see. Gregg even danced with me in the kitchen. I think i'll keep him around. Plus he has this voice thing he does. It's hilarious.

Anyways.I definitely did my laundry tonight. It was awesome. 4 trips to the laundry room , because I had SO MUCH LAUNDRY that I had to take each load individually. 2 loads back... it was great. It's pretty late here though , so i'm probably going to check Facebook really quick , and then go to bed.

Much LOVE

Life is good when you're being good :)

Life my friends, as of this week. Has been supurb. I'm dating the most AMAZING guy on the planet Earth and I could not be happier doing so. I'll give more details on him later. For now all everyone needs to know is that he's awesome and I really like him. I'm also getting along with my roommates. which totally rocks. In a few weeks...aka next month. I will be going to my sister Brett's High School graduation, which makes me feel old , but i'm totally excited for her. :) anyways. I'm so happy :) Later taters!!!

Two Worlds Collide

So , I've finally been able to move on From Gus... and this pretty much sums up my feelings right about now. We're still friends. Probably always will be. But we're at different points in our lives. I've got to thank him for the wonderful times and memories , but ... it's time to move on. So thanks, but I'm ready to let you go now.


She was given the world
So much that she couldn't see
And she needed someone
To show her who she could be

And she tried to survive
Wearing her heart on her sleeve
But I needed you to believe

You had your dreams, I had mine
You had your fears, I was fine
It showed me what I couldn't find
When two different worlds collide
La da-da da-da!

She was scared of it all
Watching from far away
And she was given a role
Never knew just when to play

And she tried to survive
Living her life on her own
Always afraid of the throne
But you've given me strength to find hope!

You had your dreams, I had mine
You had your fears, I was fine
It showed me what I couldn't find
When two different worlds collide

Today

Seeing as it's late I'm going to direct you to the scriptures to sum up how my life is right now. Read 2 Nephi chapter 4. I'd give you specific verses, but the whole chapter is so darn good. Read it and love it :)

Sunday

SO.... I'd like to open with what's been bothering me soooo much the last few days. it's a phrase and a scripture. I was walking to work when both hit me. The first thought was a scripture " Love the Lord thy God with all thine heart and lean not unto thy own understanding , in all thy ways acknowledge him , and he shall direct thy paths." well it goes something like that. Then the thought that followed was the ever famous ," I know the Lord wont give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didnt trust me so much." I feel like that is how my life has been lately. I'm trying to give myself to the Lord , to trust in him and trust that he knows what he's doing and What I need at any particular time. I'm trying really hard, but It's hard. VERY HARD. I see people getting married and having kids, even people just getting dates. I for some reason can't even get a date. I've kind of figured out why too. The guys in our ward, dont want to date girls from our ward , they want to date girls in other wards. I'm not in school ,and I work at the mall. the chances of me meeting a guy from another ward is like 1 in a million. so basically I have NO chance of ever getting a date. at first I was not too happy with this. Mainly because there are some SUPER HOT guys in My ward. but now in retrospect... that's probably a good thing for me right now. That way I can focus on things I need to focus on... like setting a budget and following through. I've also been thinking that as much as I want to get my CNA , I dont think now is the best time for me to do so. I think Tori is going to quit soon because she does have her CNA and has a job already which means it's going to be me and Jake running the Store. And Jake since he's like.... above the regional manager... ( he explained it to me one night) He has other stores he'll have to check on and such. which would leave me. at the store. by myself most nights. Which means no time for me to do much of anything besides work. which will also probably end up being a blessing in disguise... boo to that. So again , I will have no life because i'm dedicating it to the "bigger picture" anyways. Every night I pray for a date. is that wrong of me?

New Life

There are Very few things in life I actually regret. For the most part I live by the phrase " never regret anything because at some point it was exactly what you wanted" however there are only 2 things I actually regret. The first I have to tell the story behind. When I was in I guess mia maids we had a lesson where we had to take something that belonged to an ancestor of ours and tell a story about them. I wanted to do something on my Granny King , Which I suppose I ended up doing. My mom wanted me to do something on her dad. You see her dad died when she was 8. So I never actually knew him in "real life". I got wayyyy upset and was like I don't want to do something on him. he's NOT my grandpa. I regret that. for multiple reasons. The first being that looking back I see how much it hurt my mom's feelings. the second being that throughout my life. even at that age I had indeed felt his presence at moments. I never told anybody that , but on some of the nights when I was really scared and having nightmares, I'd pray for Heavenly Father to send me a guardian angel. someone to protect me. I always KNEW, and I wont deny this either, that he sent my grandpa stevens. I knew he was there and that he'd protect me. To this day whenever I get really scared I pray for his comfort and protection. last of all because let's get technical here. He IS my grandpa. It's HIS blood in me. While I love my grandpa Gattis, and still consider him my grandpa , and let's be honest no one could have a better grandpa than him, he's not my grandpa , my mom's dad is. that is regret number one. That I so foolishly said something that stupid as a teenager. The 2nd regret may not seem so big , but now that i'm older I seriously am upset about this one. This regret is simply that I dont have as great of a relationship with my mother as my sisters do. Actually that i didnt have that great of a relationship with my mother. I have it now I think , but i'm sad i missed out on so many years i could've spent developing a good long relationship with her. She's actually one cool lady. Those are the ONLY two regrets I have.

But that's not what all I wanted to talk about really.

I was just kinda chillin out tonight , and I was thinking. the last 4 days have been so ... Great. I've sorta changed as a person , and it's way obvious to me. I had a mini melt down on my way home from work because I had no clue what i'm doing out here. I was just looking at the mountains at one point and freaked. I honestly can't remember why i moved out here. At all. and it scares me. I have no clue where i'm going in life or why i'm out here. I know i'm supposed to be out here , but I have no idea why and it honestly scares me. I dont have anyone out here besides Ginny. and she's at school all the time. i hardly ever see her. so really i'm out here on my own , with no idea why i'm even doing this anymore. anyways so i was thinking about how happy i've been lately. while I will give some credit to the fact that my mom suggested thankful lists everyday , I want to give most of the credit to... I want to say Gin , but she really didnt do anything. You see , everynight , I would walk to the kitchen around 11pm and Ginny would be on the couch reading her scriptures. this last week I've made a conscious effort to read my scriptures and say my prayers , and write in my journal. Honestly I have to give most of my happy points to that. I've seen a huge difference in my life. Things that used to bother me just dont anymore. I'm happier emotionally too. Tonight while I was reading my scriptures I read about when Nephi built the ship and his brothers got all crazy and tied him up. In one verse he was talking about his parents , his wife , and his children. At that moment I just KNEW that Nephi was a real guy. He really did live and write all that scripture down. He was one amazing man. I admire his courage. I mean think about it. He wrote all that stuff. He had no idea why he was writing it , he just wrote it because the Lord told him to. I want a husband like him. Maybe not just like him, but I want my husband to have that kind of faith. I want that kind of faith. anyways. I should really get to bed, but I just HAD to share my Aha! moment of the day. Crazy huh?

Grateful

So I had been having a really rough few weeks. I mean way straight up horrible . Didnt feel good , which made me want to do nothing for days on end. which is bad because i have work. where i actually have to work.sort of. and my mood will affect how i sell. which does kind of suck. well one day I commented on my mothers wall about how I missed her guts and how i just wanted someone to love me. She told me to make a grateful list every day. i've done it 3 days and i can already see a huge difference in my moods. Sure life is still rough , I still just want to lay in bed, and no , no guy wants to date me yet. but that's ok. because now as i'm going through my day I look for things to be grateful for. Today it mostly revolved around the priesthood. I've never really noticed how great this blessing is in my life. until I had to leave home. I mean yeah i grew up with the priesthood, and I knew my dad would gladly help out whenever I needed it. but there is something about the guys in my ward that make me SINCERELY appreciative of the priesthood. Me and Ginny, My roommate were talking about it tonight. there are 90% of guys we figured who just dont care who are seriously scummy guys. and we figure that the other 10% , the guys who are super nice , and funny , and willing are in our ward. And tonight, after our week of craziness, when we literally had to call over guys from our ward for blessings 4 times, we were super grateful for how willing they always were. willing and Ready. They ALWAYS wanted to know if there was anything else they could do, and they always stayed and talked to us ,making sure we were happier before they left. I have NEVER been more grateful to have such great men surrounding me. My hometeahers are the BEST I can honestly say the best i've ever had. our EQP. is way awesome too. Every other guy in our ward is cool too. Tonight Nate and Carl came over to give Ginny a blessing. and while we had never had those two in our apartment before we were quick friends. They are great guys too. I dont think anyone in our ward can complain. These guys also bring the spirit with them when they arrive. even if it's not for home teaching or a blessing. I appreciate that they are living worthy enough to have their priesthood. anyways , i have to be up early for work so i'm gonna peace out , but have a great evening :)

sick and tired.

I my friends am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I work all the time and get nothing but upset questions from my boss as to why sales aren't where they should be for the shifts I don't work. I'm tired of having to watch everything I do and say so that I don't piss of my roommate. She's the one who wanted me out here in the first place. I was slowly thinking I might be starting to belong and now 2 weeks later I walked into my bedroom tonight and realized I was so wrong. I don't belong here. I'm so out of place. Am I supposed to be here right now ? Yes I don't doubt that in the least. But do I belong here? No. Not at all. But at the same time I don't belong in Georgia either. The life I was living back there was not a good life for me. I hate to conform, but I have to state the obvious. I've made better choices out here in Utah than I ever did in Georgia. In that way moving here was the best desicion I ever made. I'm not happy though. Not completely. I miss my family. I actually miss my dad walking to each of our doors at 4:30 calling our names and letting us know it was time for family prayer. I miss the way I felt safe and protected when he was around. I miss my mom. So much. I miss her food. I miss her laugh. I miss having her around to tell me how stupid boys are. I miss my Brett. I miss her coming home from school and telling us all of her good stories. I really miss her doing my nails. I miss playing wackee six with her and Colby till early in the morning. I miss Colby too. The way she could sing chunky from madagascar 2 like no other. I miss seeing her walking around in her boots and john deere hat. I miss planning to start a country group with my sisters. They're my best friends. I miss the dumb dog that kept me awake all night whining. I miss my car... I miss pie pie. I miss my box of gustavo's stuff he sent me over the last 2 years. Really I just miss him. I feel like I'm stuck in some nightmare that I can't wake up from. People always say eternity is a long time to spend with someone, but truthfully I can't think of anyone else I would even want to spend eternity with. - want to be with my family for eternity. Because living without them is the worst. I know it was time for me to grow up and move out, and I knew it would be hard. I just didn't think it would be this hard. I think maybe that's the reason I'm having such a hard time adjusting or whatever. I'm super homesick and I don't feel like I belong. I don't really belong anywhere right now. I'm in no mans land... Where I'm kind of an easy target. So I think... As of right now I'm going to adopt this quote into my life " stand for something, or you'll fall for anything" I'm also going to actively try to be happier and not let things or people get me down. I'm a daughter of God. He wants me to be happy and I deserve to be happy. I need to stop caring what other people think of me, because their opinions don't matter. My goal is to live with my heavenly father. And starting now, I'm going to do all I can to make him proud of me. I'll do all I can to be with him again. That doesn't mean I'm going to be perfect. I'm going to mess up. This just means that when I do mess up I won't give up. I'll just learn from it and move on. I'll make my family proud. I'm going to start living to make me happy. I'm not going to live to make everyone else happy. And this post probably comes off as bipolar. But that's ok.