New Life

There are Very few things in life I actually regret. For the most part I live by the phrase " never regret anything because at some point it was exactly what you wanted" however there are only 2 things I actually regret. The first I have to tell the story behind. When I was in I guess mia maids we had a lesson where we had to take something that belonged to an ancestor of ours and tell a story about them. I wanted to do something on my Granny King , Which I suppose I ended up doing. My mom wanted me to do something on her dad. You see her dad died when she was 8. So I never actually knew him in "real life". I got wayyyy upset and was like I don't want to do something on him. he's NOT my grandpa. I regret that. for multiple reasons. The first being that looking back I see how much it hurt my mom's feelings. the second being that throughout my life. even at that age I had indeed felt his presence at moments. I never told anybody that , but on some of the nights when I was really scared and having nightmares, I'd pray for Heavenly Father to send me a guardian angel. someone to protect me. I always KNEW, and I wont deny this either, that he sent my grandpa stevens. I knew he was there and that he'd protect me. To this day whenever I get really scared I pray for his comfort and protection. last of all because let's get technical here. He IS my grandpa. It's HIS blood in me. While I love my grandpa Gattis, and still consider him my grandpa , and let's be honest no one could have a better grandpa than him, he's not my grandpa , my mom's dad is. that is regret number one. That I so foolishly said something that stupid as a teenager. The 2nd regret may not seem so big , but now that i'm older I seriously am upset about this one. This regret is simply that I dont have as great of a relationship with my mother as my sisters do. Actually that i didnt have that great of a relationship with my mother. I have it now I think , but i'm sad i missed out on so many years i could've spent developing a good long relationship with her. She's actually one cool lady. Those are the ONLY two regrets I have.

But that's not what all I wanted to talk about really.

I was just kinda chillin out tonight , and I was thinking. the last 4 days have been so ... Great. I've sorta changed as a person , and it's way obvious to me. I had a mini melt down on my way home from work because I had no clue what i'm doing out here. I was just looking at the mountains at one point and freaked. I honestly can't remember why i moved out here. At all. and it scares me. I have no clue where i'm going in life or why i'm out here. I know i'm supposed to be out here , but I have no idea why and it honestly scares me. I dont have anyone out here besides Ginny. and she's at school all the time. i hardly ever see her. so really i'm out here on my own , with no idea why i'm even doing this anymore. anyways so i was thinking about how happy i've been lately. while I will give some credit to the fact that my mom suggested thankful lists everyday , I want to give most of the credit to... I want to say Gin , but she really didnt do anything. You see , everynight , I would walk to the kitchen around 11pm and Ginny would be on the couch reading her scriptures. this last week I've made a conscious effort to read my scriptures and say my prayers , and write in my journal. Honestly I have to give most of my happy points to that. I've seen a huge difference in my life. Things that used to bother me just dont anymore. I'm happier emotionally too. Tonight while I was reading my scriptures I read about when Nephi built the ship and his brothers got all crazy and tied him up. In one verse he was talking about his parents , his wife , and his children. At that moment I just KNEW that Nephi was a real guy. He really did live and write all that scripture down. He was one amazing man. I admire his courage. I mean think about it. He wrote all that stuff. He had no idea why he was writing it , he just wrote it because the Lord told him to. I want a husband like him. Maybe not just like him, but I want my husband to have that kind of faith. I want that kind of faith. anyways. I should really get to bed, but I just HAD to share my Aha! moment of the day. Crazy huh?