Midweek Crisis.

Okay so it's not really a crisis , but all I want to do is cry today. Nothing bad has even happened today. I just have this really huge need to cry. I don't want to cry ( and haven't cried yet ) because there is no reason for me to cry. So why bother. Plus Gregg says I cry a lot. Which is only mostly true , but not because I'm mad or anything. Mostly because i'm either A)Exhausted. B)Extremely happy and grateful or C)just super emotional and cry for no reason.

Today I want to cry because i'm so tired and I know I shouldn't take a nap. Last night was rough. You see when I was oh.. 16 or 17 I started getting what after lots of blood work doctors diagnosed as anxiety attacks. Meaning my body ( in my case ) flips out because it thinks i'm running out of oxygen and dying. So I start to hyperventilate and eventually , unless I get it under control , pass out.

Over the last few years i've managed to control it to the point that it really doesn't effect my sleep to the extremes. Last night however it was BAD. For the first time in years I seriously could NOT breathe. Every single time I came even close to falling asleep i'd stop breathing and shoot up gasping for air. So until about 5:30 in the morning I was awake trying to breathe and desperately praying that I wouldn't die.

Finally at 5:30 I figured the open window that was more than likely filling my room with unseen pollen and dust wasn't helping so I shut the window. Since the air conditioning wasn't turned on I kicked off my comforter and grabbed a thin sheet to lay under. I filled up my water bottle and turned on Brother Bear. Finally about 6am I was able to fall asleep. That's the majority of the reason I just want to cry. Other reasons include the fact that I miss Gregg SO MUCH.

That's all I wanted to write I guess. I'm going to try and take a nap. I don't even care if anyone thinks it's not a good idea including me. I'm exhausted and aggrivated with my body. So I think i'm just going to nap.